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Thread: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

  1. #1
    Smoker The Joker SmokaJoka's Avatar
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    The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    The Warmth of Daylight
    SmokaJoka & Spoken Deity


    A poet up all night, and sleeping all day...
    Stays awake...writing...writing anything he can for his fans...
    High up in an 40 story hotel, on the top floor
    Is where his story began...


    Dimlit room, writing until dawn and sleeping before daybreaks
    Hate and rage placed in my hands for as long as I stay awake
    They didn't like my last poem
    I write furiously, a story better than my last, a dope rhymescheme
    No, but they've got to see a side of me I gotta release and put behind me

    Greeks used to say,
    “Your soul is in your gut”
    So I know it’s more than butterflies…
    I can never explain
    without tearing
    Inside of my grotesque
    self and showing
    What lies within my scars,
    cuts and welts,
    what lies behind veils of
    asshole remarks.


    ARGH! I can't get my mind off these haters, let's try this once again
    After rolling a blunt, lighting, and feeling my lungs burn within
    Blowing out smoke I stare at my typewriter, this is getting bleak
    Finger's weak, I look to the window...I haven't seen daylight in weeks

    I heard once,
    “If people knew what was on the inside,
    they would never applaud…”
    That’s legit because I’m
    not much more
    than fucked dreams,
    shitty rhyme schemes
    and blank pad of paper.
    Best of all my pen wont click
    and if words ever come out,
    it simply drip, drops
    making my words spoken
    as abstract thoughts.


    Stretching my arms, sighing that I'm finally off to a good start
    I never knew it'd be this hard to speak the truth from my heart
    This is my last piece I'll ever write after all, I must leave fans satisfied
    Glad if I make them teary-eyed it'll make my sleep even more dignified
    I finish my poem, and approach the window, it's dawn again
    About time to take it in, I watch as the day and night blends
    Opening the window, a smile finally on my face as daybreaks
    How perfect my poem ends this way...
    Sun beaming on my face as I leap from the window on my first day
    In many, many weeks...to meet my grave

    I’ve always said,
    “The sun rises in your eyes”
    Slow sun fingers reach over the land,
    silently seeking my hand and locking
    between my fingers.
    Fuck all to the
    poetic system, this is raw.
    It’s real, it’s me,
    it’s how I feel and I
    hope to God for you it’s the same.




    ....

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ek-381844.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-381772.html
    Last edited by SmokaJoka; November 9th, 2008 at 12:28 AM

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  2. #2
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    this was perfect....dope how poetry and rap was mixed together.....the poem part read like miniature choruses.....very cool way to write.

    The verses were perfect had good flaw and all....structure was good enough.
    This was dripping with imagery and just creativity man.
    Haven't seen a piece done in quite this way before in OM.

    I’ve always said,
    “The sun rises in your eyes”
    Slow sun fingers reach over the land,
    silently seeking my hand and locking


    i thought those lines were simply beautiful....the pic went great with it to.

    very deep writing and very deep topic also....Nice.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! $.:SloganZ:.$'s Avatar
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    i agree this was a great piece keep doin ya thing man

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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    I enjoyed this guys. You had excellent imagery, i could visualize the whole setting and the actions of the character. rhyme scheme was ehh. complexity was descent. flow was good. and i liked how it had a poetic feel and a rap feel blended in one piece. overall i enjoyed this. nice job guyz.

  5. #5
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    cool piece, having a written in another writers point of view was creative, but it felt like it was missing something. you could tell the poet was a very serious writer taking the time of night to get the best of his writing. no distractions in the dark, and because his last poem wasn't one to please the critics, one-upping his previous poem is only expected.. but then giving his best he waits for the sunrise to jump off his 40 story building? a little extreme, but since the writer was so serious to his work if he thought he couldn't make anything better than what he just did, it exemplified him never falling off again lol... well the story progressed nice, and I liked the transition between rapper and poet, did a good job tying everything together.
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    word I'd have to agree with bob on this one..the story progressed well but there were a few grammatical errors along the way..nothing to really take away from the piece but enough to make you stop and put it together...I thought the transistion between the writer and the poet were pretty smooth for the most part..I also enjoyed the originality of concept..and how this piece was executed....the ending was sort of a shocker IMO...wasn't looking for that at all...but I thought smoka did great with the flow and Spoken did the same with his poetic devices..so all in all this is a good read and a great drop from IJL...props my dudes..!

  7. #7
    Save Changes Joseph Grey's Avatar
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    This was beautiful. That's the word i decided to use to fully describe it. I read it twice because i knew after reading it the first time there was something much deeper involved in the piece. Even though this ended a tragedy, it truly was triumph. It's message is deep; Basically the struggles that a writer goes through, trying to find a balance... but in the end what it tells you is that you have to be true to yourself... Maybe it's just me, but this piece was a story of survival, and the only way to survive is a way that the writer cannot be happy with... so he chooses to be original. his suicide in the end was most likely a metaphor... u know, like hes gonna die but he finally sees daylight... i think it somehow reflects off of his struggle like he's finally being true to himself, writing what he really wants to risking losing his fans... not too sure, but this piece was dope as fuck, point blank... i wanna nominate it... but im afraid that i might be overrating it... hhhmmm what to do, what to do...

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  8. #8
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    thanks guys... Keep it up!
    Well done smoka, took me ages to find this!

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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    First off, I liked seeing the mix of both styles, topical and poetry.
    I would like to see more pieces like this around RB.
    You guys really blended together with concepts to make one great piece.
    I liked the opening stanza, and taking about writing all night and sleeping all day...thats true!
    Then it went into topical, and ran smooth with a solid consistant flow.
    Some real nice imagery brought across to the reader.
    And vivid writing done by the poetry side.

    Great piece, you both wrote well together,
    and brought your own styles and turned them into one


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  10. #10
    Smoker The Joker SmokaJoka's Avatar
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    Quote Originally Posted by Elemental Soul View Post
    This was beautiful. That's the word i decided to use to fully describe it. I read it twice because i knew after reading it the first time there was something much deeper involved in the piece. Even though this ended a tragedy, it truly was triumph. It's message is deep; Basically the struggles that a writer goes through, trying to find a balance... but in the end what it tells you is that you have to be true to yourself... Maybe it's just me, but this piece was a story of survival, and the only way to survive is a way that the writer cannot be happy with... so he chooses to be original. his suicide in the end was most likely a metaphor... u know, like hes gonna die but he finally sees daylight... i think it somehow reflects off of his struggle like he's finally being true to himself, writing what he really wants to risking losing his fans... not too sure, but this piece was dope as fuck, point blank... i wanna nominate it... but im afraid that i might be overrating it... hhhmmm what to do, what to do...

    ^nailed it

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  11. #11
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    its .. .. .. .. smoka, Im a bit busy but I'll edit my feedback in this post.
    Still at it.

  12. #12
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    upping sir

  13. #13
    Po'Ethics
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    Re: The Warmth of Daylight, Ft. Spoken Deity

    This is probably the best thing I've read since I got back.. It was extremely well-written, to an extent that I was never quite sure if I was fully appreciating the message. I understand the desire for appeal and yet staying true to yourself, but I feel like this is one piece of writing (probably the only one I've seen on RB) that will have a lot of subjective interpretation -- which is really impressive. The message is something that people who take writing seriously will be able to easily appreciate.. Again, I'm really impressed -- I'll probably nominate this for HoF.

    I wasn't sure about coming back to RB... I haven't seen a whole lot of really great writing since I got back... But this piece, amongst one or two others, shows that there are still some phenomenal writers here. Well done to you both...
    Po'Ethics Lives

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