Somewhere There Is A Poem.

[McSwagger]

this poem was different but im a good way. good job in thinking outside of the box

[Soule]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ge-381793.html
Nahledge and Lucent - Love On Lockdown




This was a beautiful piece man, the portion that Abiona quoted was also my very part. If this isn't already nominated then I got you man. The wording was really well put in this and everything made sense. Nothing seemed forced. It just flowed off naturally, ya know? Imagery was pretty good, emotionally... this was advanced. Real nice piece of work here man. Keep it up.

[Orc]

first off. just wanna say i hate the kind of feed pique gave. it's half-assed, general..and could be said about ANY poem. i'm not picking a fight or anything, but just feed people's poems like you in turn would like to be fed.

yeah, anyway..one of your better poems, pal. i liked the concept behind it, pretty clever. your first stanza was cool, i felt that the last three lines could have used some more punctuation? sometimes it just gives off a more polished effect. the next little stanza was worded good. it's like, deep down inside you there is a fucking epic. like, a motherfucking legend of legend status poem, but right now you can't tap into it.

A poem that makes me beautiful

damn. you caught me off-guard with this one. it was dope, a great statement to start off a stanza, pal. i dig it. when you say that the poem flows from your lashes, do you mean tears.. like, even if you cry it contains some remnants of your poem because it is after all, your very essence? if so, deep/powerful. the more precious than gold thing was a tad cliche, but you flipped it personally. i think you could have worded that line a little better though. it's cool that the poem inside you is your 'happy place' hah, like, you cocoon yourself up there. i dug that. i noticed a spelling mistake in the next stanza, watch out for that, pal.

This poem will rise
from the cavern of my creative core

beautiful. the alliteration was dope, it's always a nice touch to throw in some poetic devices to prove you know what you're doing. this segment was my favourite, the next stanza is dope, a few ppl have quoted it so that's cool. i wouldn't have broke it up as you did but it's still great. henceforward i noticed a few more errors, nothing major though man. the rain/fire couplet was a nice touch. so yeah, overall a really good piece, with a dope meaning behind it.

[Ntalek]

thx my dude tops!!

[Ntalek]

one last up b4 this is laid to rest!!

[LedgenZ]

Glitch....

[LedgenZ]

Glitch....

[LedgenZ]

Glitch....

[LedgenZ]

Glitch....

[LedgenZ]

Glitch....

[LedgenZ]

See the thing about writing is…there’s always something you can improve upon when you break it down by each individual line. However, poetry, just like life, is sometimes defined by the simple imperfections that make the ‘whole’ beautiful – or at the very least…unique. Look, I’m probably not the best person to listen to if improving your writing is what you’re trying to do. Cause I’m not going to give you all the college level terminology and workshop rhetoric. Instead, I shoot from the hip and give you statements and opinions that are true to me…and not from a textbook.

Anyway, Ntalek, I like this poem. There was something genuine about it -- something sincere and straight from the vein. Something I can’t quite put my finger on, but I recognize when I see it. This piece had that…had that something…that something special. You wrote in a way that was calming, serene, and tranquil. In a way that put the reader at ease and allowed the words to smoothly operate. There were no real bumps or bruises along the way. It was smooth, man, very smooth. Now I’m simply referring to the read from a fluency standpoint. As for the actual content and make-up of the piece, I must say, there were truly moments of confusion and uncertainty -- where words and or ideas seemed to be out of place or of little relevancy. However, even with those minor missteps you were still able to, through cleverness and choice language; create a poem that spoke volumes to any so called persons claiming to be a poet or patron of the art form.

This poem carries me
into the tenderness of peace,
where utopia is genuine, and I am one with
natural creations.

^See it was portions like this that made me think this piece was divinely inspired, artistically inclined, and brilliantly portrayed. I mean, damn, man, that was biblical…at least to me. Maybe no one else feels the same way, but I definitely do. The images, even though abstract and without concrete qualities, were powerful and profound!


Also:

At times when I unconsciously think-
with my heart and love with my mind this poem

^What’s so amazing about this line is that it seems to define itself within its content. I can tell how it’s was written that it was an unconscious stroke of genius; one of those lines that just seem to happen. That just seems to come from nowhere and without much effort, yet surprises both the reader and the writer the most. Make sense? Anyway, what a clever twist of irony wrapped in poetic language – ingenious!

This poem will rise
from the cavern of my creative core
and embrace lonely children, restless mothers,
and dying men.

"Somewhere
inside
who I
really am
there is a poem."

It will glow like fire.
It will pour like rain.

When my inner child
and acquired wisdom
realse this poem.

Destiny will have found me,
place its hands on my shoulder,
and tell me to rest.

^SMH…The best I’ve ever seen from you. Just gem after gem, line after line. *Shrugs* I’m at a loss for words.


All in all….Wonderful! Stay up Lek.

Pz….

[Ntalek]

thx for the feed ledge good shit...i appreciate it..but lol @ the glitch..

[LedgenZ]

That's RB for ya...

[Jon]

So.. basically I stepped in here to quit your bitchin'.





but seriously.. you placed some serious emotions on this one. seemed like it was more personal than anything, but then again, personal pieces are always best - at least in my mind. I liked your descriptiveness, you had some nice little lines in there that really portrayed an image, almost like you had a goal to do so. and lemme tell ya, somewhere there IS a poem, you just gotta find it. don't force your poetry, never. i'm learning that, so call me a hypocrit. but i loved this, my favorite poem from you so far, by far. all of your words were placed perfectly, nothing was really out of place. it flowed neatly off the tongue. you're getting better n, just keep it up.

i liked these parts

A poem that makes me beautiful
in the honest eyes of love and places
my worth beneath the soles of my feet,
binding it with my every step.

&

At times when I unconsciously think-
with my heart and love with my mind this poem
will sheild me from unwanted harm, protecting
what I sometimes neglect.

Good shit. Hit my shit up

[Ntalek]

word appreciated..and done already..tehehe