Our Design

[Alphaeus]

Our Design
By Stock

I throw myself at your mercy,
For I have made a dirty grave,
I find myself telling stories,
Upon the weak an the depraved,
For failing fingers, that where not,
Meant to lead a generation….
So, send in the clowns,
To destroy an empowered nation.
Like broken toys, we are pieces,
Controlled by the maker of our design,
Some of us are noble,
Others go forth to seek and define,
What it is we are here for,
Surly it’s more than, just to look pretty,
We all took hands and made plans,
Lit fires to signal, a re-birth of our city.
So when you’re falling into your grave,
Remember the signal fires,
The way the humans stayed together,
Like the burning heart of our design.
I throw myself at your mercy,
I ask you once again,
You killed a nation of people,
Still you're to cold, to shoulder the blame.

[Alphaeus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-373476p2.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ay-380297.html

[Spekz.]

Ok message, short n sweet. You started off very nice, it read very well, some nice imagery and the likes to a nice story line. I like how u attempt to downplay civilization by making a mockery of it within the piece, yet still try to hold a common ground to prove that it is us that is apart of the prob..etc etc....overall the first half was real good, but the 2nd half got very sloppy with the wording, spelling errors, over-used punctuation or mis-used...it jsut really getting choppy n took away from the piece...overall an ok piece, short n got the message across..


keep on writing...

hit up my pieces.

[Dayvid Aimz]

I ask you once again,
You killed a nation of people,
Still you're to cold, to shoulder the blame..........
What were you blaming conformist governments??...
I really didn't see where you were coming from this piece.

The flow was kinda simpler than your usual stuff,,, the Structure was still crisp as all your pieces,,Really wasn't feeling this and I'm a big fan of yours.