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Thread: Drowning the Spider.

  1. #1

    Drowning the Spider.

    Sometimes, I wish clouds would guide me,
    and sometimes, I wish Jesus wouldn't cry.
    Every morning, I pray for earth to drown,
    and every morning, I play with lightening.
    In the afternoon, I swim with the storms,
    floating away with the trees and currents.
    Breaking the law with my speed in sound.
    So every night, I blow you a shooting star
    now make a wish, see how much I love you.
    When I wake up, your evermore perfect.


    But these dreams are intricate emotions,
    and you're existence is in my imagination.
    The deity I once was can't be reflected,
    as these padded walls break through me.
    The family that once welcomed this life;
    buried underneath the ashes of memory.
    I wish madness would carve my insides,
    and sometimes, I wish Jesus would tire.
    Every day, I pray for this room to flood,
    because they need to drown this spider.
    i don't live there, i just cook there
    ain't nothin in there but fish & cookwear

  2. #2
    Last edited by Spoken Deity; October 14th, 2008 at 12:37 PM
    i don't live there, i just cook there
    ain't nothin in there but fish & cookwear

  3. #3

    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    No feed?
    i don't live there, i just cook there
    ain't nothin in there but fish & cookwear

  4. #4
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Awards PS Champion/IE Champion PC HOF PS HOF PS Season champ OM HOF Legendary PC

    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    15 hrs, one link? You know better than that.
    pm with another link

  5. #5

    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    Edit that with feed.
    i don't live there, i just cook there
    ain't nothin in there but fish & cookwear

  6. #6
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    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    I liked this.
    It was a very well written piece
    The structure of the piece was a favorite of mine and the refrences to jesus, when trying to describe emotions & a feeling towards a loved one
    You ran a nice flow through-out and touched upon some very nice imagery

    A nice piece & in my opinion, the best work PS has seen in a while

    word.

  7. #7

    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    Thanks.
    i don't live there, i just cook there
    ain't nothin in there but fish & cookwear

  8. #8
    Banned
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    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    The deity I once was can't be reflected,
    as these padded walls break through me.
    The family that once welcomed this life;
    buried underneath the ashes of memory.
    ...............................it wasn't until these lines that I really started grasping the meaning of this piece.
    I think you coulda been less abstract and this still would've been as good.

    I liked how you spoke of family in it....it gave me images of a person with their personal demons messing up relaitonships with their home life.

    Liked the "Spider"..."Drowning"....metaphors.

  9. #9

    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    Thanks.
    i don't live there, i just cook there
    ain't nothin in there but fish & cookwear

  10. #10
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    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    Ok this was a cool drop..I like the images you portrayed and the smooth transistion in your wording..I thought this piece had a emotional feel that was displayed through simple imagery...only thing i say negative about this piece was that your should've been you're...other than that this was a good read...RTF pls..

  11. #11
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    I Feel this piece here bell is your best by far.....yea if it doesnt GET HOF doesnt mean shit. understand that this piece itself spoke well for its abstractive conduct and really presented itself with great colors. not just one (which is bland to the eyes of readers) you kept it in pace and yes at times was a fall off but you really kept it from start to finish with great info into why you titled it drowning the spider. you have your best piece here dude. keep this as a memory and always remember that a great piece doesnt need to BE HOF....it just needs to influence other readers and have them read it LINE for LINE with positive intention in giving you props on your effort in doing this work of yours that is called art my friend nice drop again jon.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  12. #12
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    Thanks bro.

  13. #13
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    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    Thats very good

  14. #14
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Drowning the Spider.

    Uh, huh? Thanks.

  15. #15
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    Re: Drowning the Spider.


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