im only a beginner- check this lil sumin

[Jambo182]

THIS AINT A BATTLE BUT ITS LOADED LIKE AMMUNITION
ITS LIKE IM ON A MISSION..ONE THAT NEEDS NO PERMISSION
U GOTTA LISTEN TO MA WORDS THEN YOU'LL SEE THE REAL ME
MA RHYMES ARE REAL..STRAPPED DOWN? MA WORDS CAN SET U FREE
ITS LIKE A MIRACLE THE WAY MY WORDS GET PROJETCED
U LIKE MY RHYMES SO MUCH U GOT EM' ALL COLLECTED
MOST TREASURED POSSESION..U GOT EM ALL PROTECTED
U JUST ENVIOUS..UR RHYMES AINT LIKE MINE COZ URS REJECTED
FOLLOW SO FAR? no? DIDNT THINK SO THIS RHYMES TANGLED
ITS LIKE A ROPE ROUND UR NECK MY WORDS LEAVE U STRANGLED
ONLY PROBLEM IS MY ROPES STRONG AND WONT LET LOOSE
UR THE UGLY DUCKLING IM THE KING GOOSE
BATTLE ME? U WANNA LOSE?
I DONT LEAVE U OPEN TO NO EXCUSE
IF U TOUGH ENOUGH...THEN SPIT UR STUFF
COZ ILL BATTLE ANYONE NO MATTER HOW MEAN OR ROUGH
THIS RHYME LEFT U TRIPPING LIKE I REMOVED THE RUG
PROMOTIN MY RHYMES AS THE NEW CLASS A DRUG
THESE RHYMES ARE SPIT WITH VENOM AS IF FROM A SNAKE
COULD BATTLE U ASLEEP AS EASY AS I COULD WHEN I'M AWAKE
SO ENOUGH SAID FOR NOW THIS IS THE LEVEL OF MY SKILL
ALL I NEED FOR NOW IS A NEW PAD AND PENCIL

[Jambo182]

uppin

c'mon i need feedback

[noncentz]

YOU NEED SOME WORK BUT I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD READ YOUR PUNCHES WERENT AS GRAPHIC AS YOUR POTENTIAL SHOWS.
IT SEAMS THIS IS A NEW FIELD FOR YOU WHICH ISNT BAD YOU ARE OFF TO A GREAT START KEEP POSTING IN TIME YOU WILL HAVE IT DOWN PACKED

[Jambo182]

appreciate the feedback man

[noncentz]

HEY IM NOT THAT GOOD BUT IF YOU NEED HELP IM HERE

[Jambo182]

thx man



uppin'

[Atetrack define']

keep posting jambo , youll soon have your shit locked down patt.we aiight for a first spit,don worry keep elevatin...peep my drop on the open mic boards...
bismillah