Few Bars....

[.P.H.A.S.E.]

Jus some random shit...

I like To fuck fine Chicks,
They All Line Up For The Fine Dick
They All Play 'Head Games',
But Im Da One Wid Da Mind Tricks
I Was Crusin When I seen A Dime Hollerin From Da Side
She Asked For A "Ride",
I Wasnt Sure What She had In Mind
So I Let Her in, N Hit It From Behind
I Was Thinkin, "Wow What a great treat to find"
So Im Done Wit da trick, and i'm ready to dip
I Start Up The Whip,
I Made sure the beamer was topless
Realize Da chick is Out Cold in the back,
So I Stopped It,
Hopped Out And Unlocked It
Tol Da bitch I Already Gave her a ride and made her Walk it (hah)
Pfft.. Safe Sex? Na My Cock Stay Raw
I Even Make Stuck Up Jaw-Droppers, Drop They Jaw

[.P.H.A.S.E.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-375160.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ry-375950.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ct-375836.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-375883.html

[.P.H.A.S.E.]

yalll niggaz is sleeepin

[.P.H.A.S.E.]

Upchuckin' Tha Muthafuckin Publishin'

[Dose Blotter]

Ok

First off you do have some flow, but your rhymes have no style to them.
They are also kind of cheesy and simple..I give you props on your use of multies, but you should try to multie two syl words..Punchlines, "Tol Da bitch I Already Gave her a ride and made her Walk it"- wasnt to bad. If your going to stay with just one syl multies you need to use more punches, and up yer game on them..The Imagination wasnt really there either. I would suggest peeping other peeps rhymes and poems. Then try to adapt a new style...Dont take it as hate, im just tryin to help.

[Cody Nash]

it's all simple, trashy, degrading words... nothing here was creative... you couldn't even keep a solid rhymescheme here... you STARTED with multi-syllable rhymes then you switched back to single rhymes and internals... nothing was remotely creative or original about this... it just looks like you're mimicking mainstream pop/rap lyrics...


sorry... pretty gay read...

[....Gone.]

This was ehh, for just some bars. You had some kinda flow, you need more multies and better flow. To get good at this pick more creative topics and harder ones. Use a better rhyme scheme ehh this was okay.

[.P.H.A.S.E.]

Lol ight
But you guys needa take it for what it is

Its not some real deep shit that i made a rhyme scheme and tried to make it perfect

its just a spit that was made for the hell of it and for entertainment purposes
You guys are taking it to serious but ye i ght props for feed

[.P.H.A.S.E.]

it's all simple, trashy, degrading words... nothing here was creative... you couldn't even keep a solid rhymescheme here... you STARTED with multi-syllable rhymes then you switched back to single rhymes and internals... nothing was remotely creative or original about this... it just looks like you're mimicking mainstream pop/rap lyrics...


sorry... pretty gay read...

For your information i dont listen to mainstream rap so i wouldnt know how it sounds

[Cody Nash]

it doesn't take listening to it... I just said you write like you think you're fuckin' young jeezy or souljah boy... it was garbage and NOT entertaining, so obviously your purpose was wrong... think of storylines... solid rhymeschemes... then write something...



if you aren't gonna take constructive criticism then get the fuck out lol...

[.P.H.A.S.E.]

lol w/e yo
im down to battle you if ur down

ps.i sed props for feed

[Cody Nash]

battle me lol...
get good first, see me in a year punk...

[.P.H.A.S.E.]

lol wtf soft

[.Tricky-G.]

Just thought id hop on this... Ima be a lil bold and rap day through day, fuck mainstream, we bout ta pave new way, Hold on shawty , wuts that thang u say? I aint tryin to be a thug, im just speakin my mind, this the sorta shit that i keep in my kind, multiple sylable , hopein the deal will pull , in the money the money i need, ooh im shot? how funny! i bleed. I got a s on my chest, mother fuckers aint shootin shit cuz ya boy got a vest

[.Tricky-G.]

for some reason, my next message is on the next page....check that shit out