Back at It

[Contagion]

a quick sixteen lines

I wanted to stand out, so I fucked the crowd
Made thunder sound and dug up the underground
Spat in ultrasound, then went n wondered round
Til I found the Virgin Mary and gunned her down
So go back to your house, and steal daddy's knife
Then stab yourself in the mouth and tell me what it feels like
Look I'm not sick, I only mimic real life
This ain't no gimmick so gimmie back that steel knife
My head ain't workin', n my body's still jerkin'
So I grab a handful of pills n wash 'em down with some bourbon
After murderin' a suburban, punk ass bitch
Who thought I was wack so he died for having thunk that shit
I'm left harmin' wives, with these carvin' knives
Cause I've eaten all my bullets n I've got two starvin' nines
Your bitch ain't just fat, she's an alarmin' size
Two countries go thirsty as her over garment dries

all feed will be returned, just leave a link

[Contagion]

links:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...fe-374329.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hs-374330.html

[Ink Poyzin]

I don't know, man.. The rhyme scheme was ok, but... I just didn't find anything entertaining about this piece. The multi's were there, but... It was a sour flow. That pushed me into a boring state of mind. I seen like maybe one or two bars that caught my eyes. That was it... I'm not trying to sound like a prick, ya know. It was a quick 16 lines, so I don't want to be too judgemental about it, but.. I'll be keeping my eyes out for more of your pieces. To see something other then just a quick spit.

[Redeye_Designz]

very basic drop and I feel you have alot to work on
and also...a few lines you wrote were very badly worded
flow was alright, but it's very basic and you need more
mulits and mets, with some stronger punchlines

but props it wasnt bad, maybe more time needed to write
you should never rush, because if you post up the reader
sill still give the same feed back, so best drop at best all times

pz