The Bell Sounds...

[Uben. Sonned]

As I walk out of my corner with a grin on my face.
Taking these steps with pride as there evenly spaced.
With my gloves up I can feel the pressure form.
As with each step the gash stings from the cut freshly torn.
With eyes wide open we look for each others weakness.
While our coaches speak to us in the form of telekinesis.
As the ref stands by waiting for us to strike
His jab comes at me, but misses as I duck to the right.
Quickly I lean into my opponent and hit with a cheap shot.
Officials were blinded so they took it as a weak block.
He backs up dumbfounded by the lack of a call
But see it's strategy and I've got control of the ball.
I rush in with a shot driven by rage, and strike full force.
Now he's staggering back this man driven off course.
Up against the ropes, he's the bait I'm after.
As I nail him with the uppercut, his jaw is shattered.
He's throwing blindly now, as I'm bobbing and weaving.
It's a mismatch that's all, my adrenaline he's feeding
As the clock runs down I know it's time for the kill...
The crowd knows who's victorious, cause I'm standing tall still.

[Uben. Sonned]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-n-374304.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...it-374277.html

[Mariah]

Tall still was awkward for me and since it's the last thing I read, I mentioned it first - just weird.I think you're figuring out more about your wording and flow though, which is good, but there's one thing I'd personalyl like to see you do...work on your multi-syllable rhyming because it makes each line seem to connect with the one before it.

With my gloves up I can feel the pressure form.
As with each step the gash stings from the cut freshly torn.

^ That for example was great...3 syllable rhyming...pressure form and freshly torn work well together, though something about freshly torn seems awkward as well, perhaps the surrounding context. Anyways, that's good, so work on that a bit more and you should be fine.

One more thing though - work on your storylines. Don't make it too clear, too soon because you want to capture the reader by disguising things and making it all tie together in the END, not the middle or the start - you know? Good work, not amazing or anything, but it's a step forward. Good job.

[Uben. Sonned]

Thanks Mariah, and I appreciate the help.

[Uben. Sonned]

Uppin...

[Ink Poyzin]

This was dope, my man. A good topic you played it off well. I haven't seen this type of shit done yet since I've been here.... You had me in Mike Tyson's shoes for a minute. But like you heard Mariah mention before you should work on your multi-syllable rhyming... Even though in my eyes multi's ain't what brings out a dope verse. But still they can UP the flow alot, ya know? But overall the flow was still consistant throughout the whole piece. Well executed I think too. So yea it was smooth and didn't throw me off track, ya know. Much props it was very creative..

[Giant.]

Nice work here. Since I am a boxer and have been for the past 6 years, I am a little bias.

You had some great examples of rhyme scheme as well as some very well thought up wordplay. I felt like I was in the ring.

Keep this shit up man, good work.

-Dope-

[Phoenix.]

Quickly I lean into my opponent and hit with a cheap shot.
Officials were blinded so they took it as a weak block.
He backs up dumbfounded by the lack of a call
But see it's strategy and I've got control of the ball.
I rush in with a shot driven by rage, and strike full force.
Now he's staggering back this man driven off course.

liked these lines, flowed well and was phrased well.

overall a pretty solid drop, good imagery and your flow has improved tenfold compared to the usual lol keep it up man, keep dropping them pieces :]

[Johnny 6-feet]

Some solid work man, i like fighting pieces as topical material and when properly done they always make for fast paced and vivid pieces. This didn't disapoint, solid rhyme scheme, solid use of vocab and a smooth flow as well. My only complaint is this could've been developed into a longer story. I'd like to have seen a build up before the fight and maybe more of a back and forth between the fighters. But good work overall, glad you're on the team.

Keep posting and please rtf.

[Uben. Sonned]

Of Course Johnny Will Return The Favor After I Eat Some Dinner...
Thanks For The Feed...And Of Course Hit "N" Run!

[Uben. Sonned]

Upping

[....Gone.]

I love the work from my topical mentor. anyways lol

Pretty dope peice great imagery, it's been skyrocketing.

"With eyes wide open we look for each others weakness.
While our coaches speak to us in the form of telekinesis."

Don't know why, but I love that bar. Vocabulary and flow was great in this peice. Good jon homie....