LLL Mag: The "Entrance..or exit?" Edition

**Rant** · August 4th, 2008, 10:15 PM

LLL Mag Week 3 In Review
The "Entrance..or exit?" Edition

Intro
Welcome one welcome all to Ancel's edition of the LLL Mag, last week was pretty cool and had some nice matchups. But, on the other side of the fence we had quite a few no-shows and a lack of voting from some of the people in the league. I heard dao was bitching about being booted due to not voting and it's just dumb- Listen Dude: IF YOU EXPECT VOTES ON YOUR BATTLE VOTE ON OTHER PEOPLE'S!
anyways, this week we're seeing the entrance battles start, nad no doubt there are going to be some nice matchups and maybe even a couple season classic battles! i hope you guys enjoy the mag, let's get it started...

B.O.T.W
Battle Of The Week

it's pretty obvious Vaskez vs. Bartender was the battle of the week.

Originally Posted by Vaskez

Vaskez:
Buddha? I've hearda being scared to get hit, but you're major wack in this
WHAT KINDA bitch throws a punch then starts claimim he's a famous pacifist?
everyone wishes for clean n dope battles, so we believe that this geek
CAN actually answer prayers... just by leavin the league
n future disses might depend on what name this whore'll be keepin
but if Bartender, s'cos all chickens are before they get eaten
ya gettin more than a beating, we KNOW you're just bitch so fess up kid
only ones thinkin Bar be the best are the lil girls he plays dress up with
but mag's sayin I'm no competition like none are tighter than him
s'true...
this's a one-horse race, cos it's only chrit that needs a rider to win
now u aint likely to sin, I see ya embracin rules nice n quickly
this must be heaven for you, can finally use other dudes lines legitly
girls dont like ya, aint mackin so quit tellin pitiful lies chief
Chrit's been wack n single longer than Q's syllable rhyme scheme
women like big dicks so let's clear it up if there's some muddle
if it's small they're frigid n criticize...
...that'll have 'em sayin "let's just cuddle"
yet you still try to maintain standards in ya pending relations
so ya reject a fat bitch, like Feebs blocking your legends self-nominations
I cause deadly altercations, so dude, how ya plan to ever be a winner
ya chances are slim, to the point you're gettin jealous of their figure
n I'm sicker, this battle's bounda be bloody with some hard gore
so only somethin horrible can come out of it, like Chrit's front door

Qualm:
its hardcore so as usual chrit's recyclin wack shit in hopes it'll hurt face
but u coming out as #1 just means there's more lines we didn't like in the first place
your style's small time & your concepts are uncreative n soft bro
if you think you can make ya methadone, it's likely you've been takin it also
chrit thinks I wont kill his fam but seriously, why would I lie pal
i've been in ya mother's trunk enough to screw ya family tree inside out

must be ready to cry now, see..

Born to Kill:
I’ll knock it, your life, so Cheers, ya daily routine made you a star
Cuz Chrit, the Norm for you, is being the fattest alcoholic in the bar.
Shirts are supposed to make ya look cool, you modeling them is murder...
I mean...who’d buy a shirt from you, when it looks like ya selling burgers?
And what happened to MMA? I guess that plan got knocked back...
Ya went from wanting to hold title belts...to just holding Fedor’s jockstrap.

Vaskez:
I admire quick reactions even tho I'm wreckin clowns like this lame head
chrit can think on his feet, but by time he hits the ground he'll be brain dead
so quit the martial arts chat...my attacks'll OD ya on part fear part hurt
have ya go from flexing in mma gear to just crying in ya m-ma's skirt
lol@ coppin Bar's shirts...you lame you shoulda stayed a writer
your design blows, peeps got more chance of buyin claims u aint a biter
I aint a liar, but in terms of honour, this kid is hella shallow
chrit's been a shady character, since families could picnic in his belly's shadow
lotta kids run mouths but dont deliver, I'm smashin ya when we're fighting
cos chrit talks alotta trash, but he at least matches it with his writing
and least u train sober, ya aint a druggie, just shook now son
but you MUST be High if you think you ain't looked down on
still your lines got some attack, see you tryina display agression
your verse looks like an MMA fight, where you submitted after 38 seconds
your punches are lame weapons, see the rest of us strive to be great
we're burying played n weak digs, while chrit still provides them in spades
lucky ya gettin back to audio then, n your intention is some wreckin
cos being wack is a crime, and police'll need some evidence on record...

OHHHH!

vs.

Originally Posted by Bartender.

The answer to the question: Vas has really gotta be wack
To join a league, write a verse and still not find a way to beat that

But f'realz....
Why the fuck would you even accept this?

Blue Bayou
Fakers thinkin he’s Pinnochio, but bitch faggot drop the blunt n pen
Truth is u aint REAL boy…ya wood just grows when u lie in front of men
Came for a shot at the title, but I ended up killin ya steez
Talk about backfires.. u even got Taj from Van Wilder feelin at ease !

Fracture
..RB’s got some dope heads but ur the trash of the team,..
Ur like Terrence Howard in Pride, watchin erybody else make a splash on the scene
We see you got attitude, pissed cause nobody will cheer you
U got ur panties in such a bunch,.. a lingerie store musta been liquidating near you
Ladies always callin the front seat when they get in my whip,
But with u bitches would only mouth shotgun if it was between that or your dick.
Vaskez is going to feel so depressed afta these nasty lines,
He’s gonna be down in the dumps.., while I sit above him reading the classifieds

$pitacular
hit the damn floor... Your skills ain't even close... stupid you can't whore...
n' your record's destroying everything a V is supposed to stand for
you the mod, but.. I gotta admit the wack shit you kick's makin me think
cuz homie how the fuck can someone with all the power be consistantly weak
try as you might, bitch you're like the unpopular kid nobody talks to
n' we don't need 'voting credit' games to play.. dog we already got you
you're not hot it's true. But runnin LLL? been Immaculate on the job
you've figured out the best system, to keep $pitacular on the top
I mangle up your body... there's no recovery when killin you man
you'd need so much detangling.. pantene won't be able to fill the demand

Lonely faggot never gets slit, so I gotta expose this wack bitch
Cause its easy to pull V' card, since he's the only one here that has his
Keeping blood pressure runnin high, Vas is careful when fighting..
Cause its scary how vasopressin the whole league's standard of writing
And I'm thinkin you like men since there's no way you fuck bitches...
...when I'm watchin her do Dallas... u'd rather see Debbie do dishes
and I mean it when I say, everything you do just stays the same
Shitty wording, a blah set up followed by a played cliche
Chronic punches, you a lightweight when I'm hittn n' boxin
So it's no surprise, everytime you breathe they leave you lifted on contact
I'm known for spittin the truth, that's why you'll leave wit' a loss
Since ur known for bein confused n on edge.. until I start tippin you off
Such a glutton for violence, I'll leave this homo with more scars
and force your knees to be knockin more than a Jehova with no arms
Vas wants not part of this, even my staredown will scare this peasant
and give him a second to prepare... nah, f'real... just prepare for second
Watch when I hit ya, leaving you scarred as a beat quitter
And in a mindstate of Nirvana......s departed lead singer
Ya shook dude, we know it, I heard what ya girls says...
About you gettin a hit single... and not findin the way to first base
Fuckin Euro bitch, no way ur supposed to win this
When I'll turn this talking head, into broken english
Ya built like Conan yo... and thats real, no lyin..
Sex life thats funny as fuck... and always endin in O' Brian
Dont even think ur girl is loyal, truth is she's got veteran lies
I got her like a bottle of ketchup the way I tap her bottom n get whats inside
And I KNOW you asked $pit to write... but rejection is hurtin this text geek
But f'realz,
Why waste lines he'll use in the champ match next week?

My condolences.

Winner: Vaskez

dope matchup guys, keep up the writing at that level.

VOTW
Verse Of The Week

Originally Posted by $pitacular

Just when I'm tired of all these wack kids, n' its got me being lazy
Well well, if it isn't the great Feeble.. then it's the one we been seeing lately
my powers blaze.. you suck I amaze we'll just have to see how it plays
I know you picture yourself winning, kids photoshop everything nowadays
fuck ya coward ways, I'm major. my punches hit a bitch goodnight
you're so minor, you had to get a fake ID just to get into this fight
we witnessed your slide, how bad will it be? I couldn't tell if I tried
If I could gage your wackness, I'd blast until I ran out of shells or it died
you been lucky so far. I'm erasing the fame that's been holdin you down
with the way I'm leaving you.. you better hope your last opponent's around
I'm ownin you now.. look Kyle you're no longer a hero with scriptures
n' ever since digital cameras, you appear as a giant zero in pictures
ya parents must be cousins.. so any good genes you had would be damaged
n' since you're already inbred, I might as well have me a pussy sandwich
used to be tight.. now you don't compare bitch. yo I'd never sweat you
Feebs is the past tense. like you were scared stiff before I ever met you
I got hoes fuckin obsessive.. you're not the pimp some have suggested
you said your girl was smokin, but I filter tits it wasn't nothin impressive
bustin ya chest in. it's well known my rhymes are sickly n' savage
you never struck me as dope, dog you barely nicked me on average
servin these scripts.. just give it up Kyle you ain't hurtin these kids
there's no question who's better... but there's a $pit that certainly is
I hit with violent hands. so tough there's no way you can try n' stand
honestly feebs.. your so tender you got Chrit lookin like iron man
Full throttle whippin.. stop textin fag.. yo it costs us all for livin
cuz your reigns been over so long the price of bottled water's risen

Battle Reviews

Qualm vs. Horud Skys
This match was pretty cool, Horud opened up nice with the Q Step bar, then he had the blacktop line and the briefcase bar. Overall it was a pretty solid verse. Qualm had the sense of reality bar, and to be honest that was all i really felt from his verse. The voters tended to agree atleast that Horud won and he did get the W this week.
Winner: Horud Skys

Daz vs. Ancel
all i can say is real nice battle daz, it was even down to the last vote. good thing i voted more then you i guess huh

Warming vs. Dao
This batle was also pretty cool. Dao posted first and had a pretty cool swagger to his verse, although i didn't feel his punches were all that successful though. Warm had a pretty basic verse, but he still had a couple nice hits the surplus bar was nice, and that basically won it for him in my eyes. however, the voters leaned towards dao and he did get majority votes. Nonetheless he didnt vote on a single battle, and loses the matchup still. It's simple dude, vote if you want to win.
Winner: Warming

Contendorship:: Vaskez vs. Bartender (Hardcore)
This was definitely the BOTW imo. maybe its just because the numebr of lines both went, but there was alot to quote from both verses. the lines tht stood out the most to me were vas' one horse race, bar be, and slim chance bars...along with the family tree line from qualm whch was nice-and-i liked blues pinocchio line along with bars first base & V card lines. Votes went mostly to vas' side, who was also who i thought won this match, and that he did. This battle forced chrit to sign out for whatever reasons, idc really, im guessing he'll be back.
Winner: Vaskez

Born To Kill vs. Blue Bayou
Born wins via noshow. I must say though you dropped a nice verse BTK, i was feeling the "whatll someday be your chest" bar alot, that alone made your verse enjoyable to read. but the life gives me lemons was cool too though. nice job bro.

-Coop- vs. Meters
Coop wins via noshow.

Rule vs. Keyword
Key wins via noshow

Lethargic vs. Jay Walker
jay wins via no-show.

Top Punches
By: -Coop-

I'll edit & add my top 5 from each week here:

---Week 3---

#5:Blue Bayou (for Bartender) @ Vaskez
Fakers thinkin he’s Pinnochio, but bitch faggot drop the blunt n pen
Truth is u aint REAL boy…ya wood just grows when u lie in front of men

The second line is excellent, the set-up, not as much. First off, saying fakers think he's Pinocchio is a s-t-r-e-t-c-h. Should've thought of a better way to implement Pinocchio, maybe sayin he's got a big nose? A big liar? Idk... And somethin more relevant could have been used in place of drop the blunt n pen. The punch was creative as hell, but I think it's a bit off. Can't really explain it, it's the "you ain't a real boy... ya wood just grows..." part. Doesn't seem right. Idk, off the top of my head I woulda put it somethin like this:

"It's a shame ur a real boy, & ya wood STILL grows when u lie in front of men"

Idk if you see the difference, but it was a good punch nonetheless.

7.5/10

#4:Fracture (for Bartender) @ Vaskez
Ladies always callin the front seat when they get in my whip,
But with u bitches would only mouth shotgun if it was between that or your dick.

The rhyme scheme is nothin impressive. The set-up is so basic, but I guess it does its job. And saying bitches would only MOUTH shotgun kinda sounds weird. But if you think about it, saying bitches would rather have their head blown off then suck his dick is harsh, and funny. Good punch.

8/10

#3:$pit @ Feeble
ya parents must be cousins.. so any good genes you had would be damaged
n' since you're already inbred, I might as well have me a pussy sandwich

The rhyme scheme is good, and the punch flows well. The set-up wasn't particularly great, but it was still good and served it's purpose, setting up the misdirection. Which is the whole reason this punch was so good, the misdirection was excellent. The whole first 3/4 of this punch was talkin bout him bein inbred, then it flips into callin him a pussy as well, while makin use of the in bread wordplay. So it's dissin him on two different levels. And while saying "I might as well have me..." probably could've been worded a bit more harsher, this is an example of great wording nonetheless.

8.5/10

#2:Vaskez @ Bartender
ya gettin more than a beating, we KNOW you're just bitch so fess up kid
only ones thinkin Bar be the best are the lil girls he plays dress up with

The rhyme scheme had 3 syllables, so that's a plus. These lines flowed nicely, so that's another plus. The latter half of the set-up was exactly the transition that was needed. The actual punch itself is great, and couldn't of been worded better w/o changing the concept. Lookin at it one way (which is the way we are intended to because Vas used "Bar be" instead of "Barbie") it's sayin that only the lil girls he plays dress up with (which is a diss in itself) think he's the best. Then the wordplay flips it into the fact that they aren't even talking about him, they are talkin bout Barbie. Therefore, no one thinks he's the best. Nice.

8.5/10

#1:$pit @ Feeble
Just when I'm tired of all these wack kids, n' its got me being lazy
Well well, if it isn't the great Feeble.. then it's the one we been seeing lately

Another three syllable rhyme, good. Nice flow. The transition between the set-up was kinda rocky, just seemed a bit off. The fact that this was his opener helped him out, since the phrase: "Well, well... if it isn't ____" is commonly used in some sort of opening scene. It basically strengthened the line. I liked it a lot because the misdirection here really caught me off guard, didn't see it coming at all. Even though Spit's acknowledging that Feeble was great is somewhat counterproductive, there's still great creativity in this line.

9/10

Honorable Mention:Ancel @ Daz
this bitch right here is nasty, dog i can smell it when you pass me
so while your not the shit...
...your still definitely covered in Q's from last week

First time I read this I kinda saw it coming, but it still hit hard. The set-up was relevant, which is always a plus. The rhyme scheme was simple but it worked, had a bit of internal rhyming in the first line, which I'm fond of. The only problems here is that this general concept (somehow picking on the fact that they lost to their last opponent) is too common for this to be truly creative. And the second line is stretched, too many syllables, therefore it had to be broken up, which is never a good thing. Good line though.

7.5/10

Honorable Mention:Horud Skys @ Qualm
Your shit is watered down, stepped on homie heres a lesson
Qualm had a brief case of dope, not even drug dealers would invest in

The set-up could've been a bit more relevant cuz the punch is talking about his history, the set-up was just all over the place. And, HS says to Qualm: "Here's a lesson:", then proceeds to talk ABOUT him, instead of to him, it just flows wrong. But the actual punch and w/p is creative, even if it is the often-used "give a compliment, then flip it" type of punch. The way this line is worded actually does a good job of nullifying the compliment, which some fail to do.

7.5/10

NEVER to be Mentioned:Born To Kill @ Blue Bayou
Ya rhymes? Concepts? I’ll give it to ya, whore...
All them motherfuckers, been dead since 84’!

Yeah... not much to be said here.

0.5/10

NEVER to be Mentioned:Bartender @ Vaskez
and I mean it when I say, everything you do just stays the same
Shitty wording, a blah set up followed by a played cliche

Straight up filler.

1/10

Predictions

HW Title: $pitacular vs. Vaskez
This should be a pretty interesting matchup. These two cats are on fire, Vas has been winning and posting nice lately and Spit has been on a winning streak outside of the Season Championship last year forquite a while. I think it could go either way, but i really dont see Spit losing this week, hes just more polished and has had the better verses lately imo.

Contendors: Born To Kill vs. Jay Walker
I expect this to be pretty darn close, BTK has his up and down times but can come pretty nice with it when he wants to, and on the other hand we've got Jay who was out of the LLL for quite some time but finally made his return. he's been posting pretty nicely too lately, and i actually have got to give him the edge in this, what i expect to be very close, battle.

Entrance Match: Qualm vs. BronzeAtlas
idk anything about bronze, so he's gonna have to really prove himsef to me this week. Qualm has been back and forth from posting good to posting complete BLAH. you never know exactly what to expect from him, but i am expecting him to take this one without too many problems.

Entrance Match: Warming vs. Axeshun
These are two guys i consider just about dead locked in skill. warm has good concept, but sketchy wording and sometimes just loses you with his lines. Axe has the same type of problem, but i just think that he has a bit more skill then warm, this one should be pretty close, but like i said i give the edge to axe.

Entrance Match: -Coop- vs. Medichi
Idk, i think ive seen med around. but from wht i remember he wasnt a better writer then coop, i cant say for sure, but i expect coop to come out on top of this one convincingly.

Entrance Match: Daz vs. Cry
Another case of a closely matched battle. Daz has nice lines mixed into his verses, but the rest can turn up looking sloppy sometimes. Cry is somewhat of an unpredictable writer himself, either hes gonna show up bad, or pretty decent. depending on which one we see we'll be able to decide a winner but i expect daz to takes this one though.

Entrance Match: Horud Skys vs. Advisory
Shou;d be a pretty cool match, but i think ad may be out of his game if he hasnt been battling recently. Horud on the other hand has been posting nice, and definitely has the upper hand here. i still wouldnt underestimate Advisory, but horud should win.

Entrance Match: Keyword vs. Inhuman
idk what to expect from this one. sometimes we see something good from keyed, other times we see nothing, and i havent seen inhuman post in ages..even the link he used to sign up is a couple years old lol. either way it should be pretty cool, but i am expecting Keyed to take this one just because i expect him to be less rusty.

Power Rankings

5. Horud Skys-
This guy's been dropping pretty nice lately, and i have to say that he has a chance to make it to the top of the league. His punches need work, but not an unmangable amount. Some might say he doesn't deserve this spot, but i definitely think he does.

4. Born To Kill-
He dropped a nice verse last week, and has been pretty ok/decent besides that. I know he's got alot of skill locked down inside him and i expect to see him let it out soon, maybe even this week?

3. Vaskez-
yep im putting him at 3, the dudes got nice style. i like most of his concepts, and he can even turn the ones i dont like into something decent. idk if hes got what it takes to win the title this week, but if he keeps improving then the sky is the limit.

2. Jay Walker-
Suprised? Don't be. he is the guy im giving the best chance to top Spit in the league this week, hes got pretty coo punches & always a diverse amount of 'em. maybe im giving him too much credit because he just got back, but i expect this guy to be very effective.

1. $pitacular-
Who else did you expect right here? its Mr. Arrogance himself, this guy has definitely been earning it though so far this season. He's always got swag, n tends to have alot of likeable punches that come from it. all i can say is watch out.

Outro
Yeah, the week ahead looks to be nice, and i expect to see alot of great things. Shout out to coop for his top punches...they were in nice detail. Goodluck to everyone, and lets crown season 9's first HW Champion. Peace.