My Mother

**antology** · August 3rd, 2008, 09:26 PM

I cant help but worry, my mothers lonely and stressed,
her rest of her families up and left her sad presence,
wouldn’t call em parents, at best there fuckin peasants,
unpleasant grandparents, that only cares about inheritance,
especially not there first child left with only memories,
one tenth of a century, without speaking indefinitely,
eventually this devastations, ganna test my patience,
cant sit around waitin, for my mum to work creating,
a living for a husband that sits around complaining,
and a daughter in labor, expecting the baby in 28 days,
this pain plays tricks, so I spit to help her out a bit.
Cause She’s got two credit cards, maxed out to the limit,
She’s trying to pay them off, but the payments are minimum,
God im asking forgiveness, please fuck off with interest,
cause were got wishes, that spirits stay alive at Christmas,
but mums savings diminished, the old folk are finished,
completely broke, but these new days brings new hope,
that one day I blow, so I can throw my mum a bone.

Dedicated to my mother, the only lady I adore on this earth.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...10302&posted=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ap-374070.html

**Giant.** · August 3rd, 2008, 09:36 PM

The emotion you threw into this piece is fantastic. I can really tell how you feel, and that you actually mean it. That means a lot these days. Coming from a broken past, I can tell you I do not share these feelings, but I am glad and happy for you.

Nice work, Keep writing.

-Dope_

**AlphaMetric** · August 3rd, 2008, 10:09 PM

yo, ill do this tomorrow, when i got time or a computer.... mouse stoped working, gotta go watch a movie.... peace... thanks for feed and for me leaving a bit of insight,,, that piece can mean other thing too, everytime i reread i find new meaning... it's fucked up my piece...

**AlphaMetric** · August 4th, 2008, 01:05 AM

this was nice man, a few spot where flow dropped, but that not the point, you speaking it from the heart and having good imagery... I think you can go to the next level if you can do longer pieces with multies and sub-multies

**antology** · August 4th, 2008, 01:10 AM

Cheers man, please keep feed coming

**Hell-E** · August 4th, 2008, 07:44 AM

I liked how u kept the anger flowing, this piece wasn't long so i also didn't lose interest, i like it, and can sort of relate to a few parts of it too.

**Ink Poyzin** · August 4th, 2008, 10:21 AM

The emotion really rained in this shit, but as said before the flow was kinda choppy. Not by much, but could use a few touch-ups (like some multi's). Thats about the only advice you need, so keep writing. Much props, and respect..

**BigChase** · August 4th, 2008, 03:17 PM

I like the angst that you put into the piece and how it pervaded every aspect of what was painted to be a horrible or miserable life. However, the piece had an average and sometimes choppy flow which makes the read a bit harder. Keep writing and you'll fix that. Good job

**Self: The "B" Side Prince** · August 4th, 2008, 03:33 PM

This piece was beautiful. short an simple but powerfull and effective in describing the situation your in. the vocabulary was on point and the overall presentation was done perfectly. the rhyme scheme didnt need the multi's that these people are asking for because the emotion and the description had perfect combination. the flow I thought was on point, if this were rapped out to a beat, it would be sick. overall this piece was a dime outta ten for real. keep em comin. times are hard man, keep strong b.

**P. Mortuus** · August 4th, 2008, 04:04 PM

This piece was kinda nice not super duper but something simple and emotional.I really think for a new kid you did a good job.See A lot of new dudes come in here talking about guns in shit but you didnt sorry for the short amount of feed but yeah I'm pressed for time.