Well I agree with Blue Eye in many ways, cuz alot of shit in here just didn't make much sense to me. The flow itself was choppy, and could use a tune up. I seen shit that you write, and this is shit compared to half your shit. No disrespect, but I just want to keep it real with you. Elevation is key, and critism is just a part of elevating. There's nothing else to really say, just keep writing. Much props, and respect.
alright aright, i guess you didnt understand.... anyone here with a understanding of my piece be willing to feed
alright, next time ill write so everyone can understand... that's what happens when i try too hard.. i over complicate things lol....
upping again...
well one last upped.... come on... show me some love... this shit aint that hard to understand... fuck a 10th grader can understand this shit
You tried to do too much in this peice. i dont think your ready to build up your vocabulary and complexity because you just haven't grasped the meaning of half the words you used. because many lines didn't make sence like the other feeds have told you already. you need to elevate a lot more. you tried to use multies in your peice as well but definately work on them even more because you still got a lot of learning to do.
alright.... ill make a better OM next time... and work my rhyme scheme
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