User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Moving away

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    3,744
    Battle Record
    2-13

    Moving away

    Today was a nightmare, my mind turning to air
    hidden area, I don’t know where to go anywhere
    everyday, i go and i cannot stop with these monsters everywhere
    untill i tare what was not there, a wooden chair nowhere
    to be found, when way down, on the ground and i pound
    on the floor until i bled, with tears dropping in a flood of crowns
    with the master frown to destroy his own town on an island down
    this town of unspoken nouns that I say to destroy his own
    when peoples emotionless, causing commotion in this fuckend town
    it’s not my fault that i have problems Dad, you think that’s fair?
    A mair that doesnt care, and does nothing, feeling with no care
    i’m here alone in this darkness so dark, I couldnt see ma reflection
    A twin of my self recollection when i’m down so now it’s okay, I’m moving motion
    in a world unknown to me, but for me to discover these lands and ocean
    all across the world, I see this girl, giving me the want to have a girl
    and I just want to make the world a better place for my own pearl
    for it to grow, but for now I’m torn apart into pieces thin and no girl
    help me with my suffering, and get me out of this troubling place
    maybe hide away from days of pain suffering for me to be okay
    but I think it’s too late, my mind now filled with hate with no key to the gate
    it’s lock away, my fate, so to say, my life is over with no way, just an empty fuckend case
    but that’s okay, I’m moving away, too far to say, but atleast I wont starve my mind away
    when times are fuckend hard
    just another fuckend start


    When days has passed away and unknown to say how it’s going today
    Because depression finally caught up with everyday chores and I do no more
    But today, I want to change my ways, because if I stay, only hate will feel hardcore
    To the point where it boils down, and I would want to destroy everything I see
    A bunch of pussies, a bunch of buildings, a bunch of fuckend historical blaspheme
    But secrets relies in the mystery to reveal the story of a man in a fucked up history
    But tomorrow I’m moving away
    In a far away place to stay
    And today I’m moving away
    For tomorrow musing grace


    links are gonna be comming tomorrow

  2. #2

    Re: Moving away

    hrrm its ok had a nice concept and some decent lines like:

    i’m here alone in this darkness so dark, I couldnt see ma reflection
    A twin of my self recollection when i’m down so now it’s okay, I’m moving motion

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    3,744
    Battle Record
    2-13

    Re: Moving away

    up.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    3,744
    Battle Record
    2-13

    Re: Moving away

    can i plz get a feed, if u leave link, you will get my feed

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    456

    Re: Moving away

    Yea its a hard peice to comment on, I like the concept man it was dope, I found it very hard to get a flow to this peice. Some spots were good but other spots it seemed all over the place. I think its the same sort of situation with the rhyme scheme in this peice. Vocab coulda used some work too but it was a good peice overall to read. Keep at it man.

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    3,744
    Battle Record
    2-13

    Re: Moving away

    Quote Originally Posted by antology View Post
    Yea its a hard peice to comment on, I like the concept man it was dope, I found it very hard to get a flow to this peice. Some spots were good but other spots it seemed all over the place. I think its the same sort of situation with the rhyme scheme in this peice. Vocab coulda used some work too but it was a good peice overall to read. Keep at it man.
    I think this is another one of those piece that would be dope on audio with a good beat and maybe a bit of working,.... but this only took like 2-3 hours- maybe 5 at max

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    456

    Re: Moving away

    Yea man id like to hear a couple of your peices on audio.

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    3,744
    Battle Record
    2-13

    Re: Moving away

    Quote Originally Posted by antology View Post
    Yea man id like to hear a couple of your peices on audio.
    yea man, it will come, gonna be getting something set up really soon and im moving away too so it will help me get a job since i wont be living totally out of nowhere and away from society.... and i would like to eventually get a cd out with every song to be a surprised, ya know.... the shit i post here is gonna be for like buzz and stuff, free music, for untill i get a cd out with exceptional quality and im ready to go all out on this one.... and with rent that gonna cost only bout 120 a month to 160... im gonna have lots of time and money to buy equipement and time to practice writing and making beats ya know, might even take two years till im confortable with the amount of hype and shit and sell it in the states and canada at first, and if i do get a good response, next step is world wide ya know.... but it will be huge...

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    456

    Re: Moving away

    Im tryin to do the same thing man. Like the energy man

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    3,744
    Battle Record
    2-13

    Re: Moving away

    and eventually ill make a cd with songs already posted on the net and give them out on the streets

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    3,744
    Battle Record
    2-13

    Re: Moving away

    upppppp

  12. #12
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Brooklyn, NYC
    Posts
    17

    Re: Moving away

    I like it except the beginning where it's kind of zig-zag flow then goes full. It's good though.

Similar Threads

  1. D..G-Moving On
    By coco718 in forum The Studio
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: October 3rd, 2011, 12:49 AM
  2. Moving Out.
    By Ryan in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: October 8th, 2009, 11:07 AM
  3. well I'm moving...
    By WatCh4daMaC in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: September 7th, 2005, 10:32 PM
  4. moving
    By Di G in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: March 18th, 2005, 04:08 PM
  5. moving on
    By shorty0069 in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: April 3rd, 2003, 04:14 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •