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Thread: Immortal TReMahZ

  1. #1
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    Immortal TReMahZ

    the feelings so sick worst than sudden death
    cluthing ya chest, bloods drips to the deck
    your eyes turn red=and the roses turn to white
    now your ass really feels wat death is like


    the step i take feels like the air i breathe
    the ground aint solid,waitin to now proceed
    watchen wats around,even the faintest sound'
    could be an enemy...come to take u out
    i'm careful similar 2a gurl who's been raped
    i aint ashamed,..walking like its ok
    revenge on ma mind but this aint tv
    ma plans gotta make you r.i.p b!
    theres more to me like a glamour model with brains
    a slave without da chains, death wit no pain
    i self harmed coz i was depressed and anxious..'
    and theese guys still label me wuna da gangstaz

    the feelings so sick worst than sudden death
    cluthing ya chest, bloods drips to the deck
    your eyes turn red=and the roses turn to white
    now your ass really feels wat death is like


    always had respect for the older race there teachers
    without them um the lace' 'without the sneekaz'
    um suppost to punch lines like thugs pump nines
    discover a new way to create like um gods eyes
    immortality wud be great but the age i wud hate
    to see me outlive all of ma family, an still um ok
    thank god that my mates are mates and not dead
    coz when beef turns to beef most heds end up dead

    the feelings so sick worst than sudden death
    cluthing ya chest, bloods drips to the deck
    your eyes turn red=and the roses turn to white
    now your ass really feels wat death is like


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-uben-373347
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ma-part-373483
    written voices makes hidden noises

  2. #2
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    Re: Immortal TReMahZ

    Hook was aiight, nothin special
    Flow was pretty much on point through out this really
    Had some on and off similies

    theres more to me like a glamour model with brains

    ^^Probz your best one

    Overall, this was kinda short and sweet with a decent topic

  3. #3
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    Re: Immortal TReMahZ

    haha, that was a newb feed on top... well here some real feed... I found this thing could of been a whole lot better, topic wasnt bad but played, if you could wordplay this piece for an extra hour just focussing on flow, this would be pretty dope, no kidding, and chorus for me was like scrap, i wasnt in it..... just keep it up, you can RTL my piece... "dreaming"

  4. #4
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    Re: Immortal TReMahZ

    Wasn't in the mood for indepth feed...

  5. #5
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    Re: Immortal TReMahZ

    Quote Originally Posted by Nikolai View Post
    Wasn't in the mood for indepth feed...

    YEA BRUV I AINT TOP ARTIST BUT I'M ELEVATING YEA DNT GIV UP SHIT FEED DEN UP MY THREAD WITH YO DUMB ASS.


    Anyway upping my piece!..
    written voices makes hidden noises

  6. #6
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    Re: Immortal TReMahZ

    Lol... You fag

  7. #7
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    Re: Immortal TReMahZ

    Quote Originally Posted by Nikolai View Post
    Lol... You fag
    ^^^lol u still slipping latex man!!




    anyway uppin!
    written voices makes hidden noises

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