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Thread: Unexpected Streets

  1. #1

    Unexpected Streets

    Unexpected Streets

    Party over, out of house,
    where the fuck can be my spouse?
    Oh no, fuck, some niggas robbed her,
    "Gimme money!" - "Yes, black armed sir!"
    What the fuck is going on there?
    No police, no government care.
    Beauty woman, young child feel fear.
    Bad gang coming with killing gear.

    Saying "Don't be afraid of them, dear!
    I'll do anything for you, girl!"
    Trying to be real man and steady,
    transmitter gets my voice: "Ready?"
    My niggas now running out,
    of that fucking party house.
    Mob is all over the street,
    it's just heat for these night beasts.

    Bullets flying from side to side,
    better not stay, trying to hide.
    Enemies are alongside,
    nothing about this told me guide.
    Oh the fuck one nigga got shot,
    allie, all my friends and i'm shocked.
    All at corner are bumper-locked,
    one way to run, this is too blocked.

    Chorus:

    Nigga, one-two-three this is real life,
    you gotta understand me, by the way
    your wife just got shot.
    Be grouped and leave nobody, this is better for you and all.
    Leaving a body can take riot to the streets and to mall.

    My nigga, one-two-three, all niggas can't be alive.
    They're getting more and more and war is all that gets them all old.
    Else, there wouldn't be enough resources like food, wood and ore,
    so would it better if they're all are starving and without home?

    Now when the whole war is over,
    cleaning bodies finding old friends.
    Also my family got shot,
    what the fuck, god, heaven got dropped.
    Hell raised, growed from biggest to bigger,
    stupid nigger used gun like a digger.
    What the fuck, you gonna dig a grave down?
    You think it's better for them to be in black ground?

    Chorus:

    Nigga, one-two-three this is real life,
    you gotta understand me, by the way
    your wife just got shot.
    Be grouped and leave nobody, this is better for you and all.
    Leaving a body can take riot to the streets and to mall.

    My nigga, one-two-three, all niggas can't be alive.
    They're getting more and more and war is all that gets them all old.
    Else, there wouldn't be enough resources like food, wood and ore,
    so would it better if they're all are starving and without home?

    My first drop

  2. #2
    Town Rapist Ink Poyzin's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Re: Unexpected Streets

    put in two links (from two pieces you left feed on) and i'll feed this... thank you and welcome to RB.

  3. #3

    Re: Unexpected Streets

    Ehh yeah... Actually, i was so sleepy at 2:48 AM, that i couldn't drop the links

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post6497869
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...en-373347.html

  4. #4

    Re: Unexpected Streets

    this is hell of a good shit!i like it when you serve it HOT!!!

  5. #5
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    England, Liverpool
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    Battle Record
    8-1

    Re: Unexpected Streets

    ^alias?^

    Pretty basic stuff, i'd say you were new to this correct? Here:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=215456

    That's a tutorial for OM writers looking for ways to elavate. I'd say your priorities here are to extend the length of your lines to 13-16 sylabbles and increase the sophistication of your vocab. Once you get a feel for writing verses with a steady rhythm it'll be easier to improve in other areas.

    Keep elavating.

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
    14 x OM HoF



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  6. #6
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    39
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    Battle Record
    2-5

    Re: Unexpected Streets

    yep defo sound like alias feed lol..

    this piece was lacking alot including flow for starters and also wordplay..
    i found it hard to follow in sum places but ok in sum.like j6 said go elevate son coz there room for plenty improvement.if this was a lil better structured this wuda bin an ayt drop!!
    written voices makes hidden noises

  7. #7

    Re: Unexpected Streets

    yeah its ite 4 a first drop. but the flow kinda got lost.
    i like the shit with the quotes tho, like it was a true story.

    ohh yeah welcome

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