1st drop (since HMP)

[Trema]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-stoned-373326
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...punches-373448

THE OPENER
when i was in pen i wasnt the ink you prick
i was that man running up on inmates for shit
i felt so sick-as if i was the cause of vomit??
my bed..i was on it--da screws didnt wanit
file down a toothbrush..now dats my best mate
i gotta stab up jonny b4 its too late
watchen the movement of the cells, i kno it well
my name must b saeten coz dis is hell
...

RANDOM BARS
let me drop my outside bars and burry a div
and you balling?um a hang ya ass ova a siv
my bars are sumfin like a diamond and no flaws
a state with no poor,parliment with no laws
i got the voice to open up a wound den heal it
den silence a witness..like day aint seen shit
um down for the action um down for the clappen
strate outta hmp..ma mum shouting how did dis happen??
maybe its my fate to be a strane on you
the fucking pain in you,take da dna from u
aim the 12gage and pump hot metal at yew
screaming ya last bref..blood drips on my shoe
uma homefoebic nigga till the end of time
move to my dic and ul twist ya spine

[EyeCandy]

watchen the movement of the cells, i kno it well
my name must b saeten coz dis is hell

^^ Ur last lines were my favorite from ur opener.


i got the voice to open up a wound den heal it
den silence a witness..like day aint seen shit
um down for the action um down for the clappen
strate outta hmp..ma mum shouting how did dis happen??

^great

maybe its my fate to be a strane on you
the fucking pain in you,take da dna from u
aim the 12gage and pump hot metal at yew
screaming ya last bref..blood drips on my shoe
uma homefoebic nigga till the end of time
move to my dic and ul twist ya spine

^^ending was ok

I enjoyed reading this, short but to the point. You had some good emotion in this but i've definetley read better then this from u in the past. Nice flow, good rhymes, vocab was basic but overal it was good. Maybe it was something u wrote down quickly.. i don't know but it was worth reading. Good to see u back on Rb, maybe we could collab sometime

[Trema]

uppin for mo feed back yea....

[Johnny 6-feet]

Hey trema, cheers for the rep fella. Figured i'd peep this and rtf.

Came off as a diss piece with a prison immate twist to it, you get points for originality. The rhyme scheme was solid, although i hate the 'talk liek dis 4eva' style vocab in this, it just doesn't look right in my eyes wheverever its used. I would've liked to see an expanded version of this and more of a context, but this was solid reading and worth my time.

Keep posting man.

[Trema]

cheers for the feed u guys,uppin for mo..