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Thread: first free verse in 2 years-- NO JUSTICE

  1. #1
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    first free verse in 2 years-- NO JUSTICE

    If anyone knows William Wantling, I kind of stole his style...


    No Justice

    I know words. In fact, I know them very well.
    I can make beautiful things with or with out a rhyme scheme

    And I can show the world my poetic and sensitive side
    And nothing I do sounds the same and I put that school shit to shame

    But brilliant as I might be, in all reality I fucking suck
    At showing life as I know it onto this small, insignificant piece of paper

    Yeah, sure I can talk about feelings and shit
    But I cant put amussing things in life on this scrap

    Like this one time, I saw this punk of a dude washing the sidewalk
    Long hair, bathrobe on… cat looked like been in a brawl all his life

    But his priest come walking along with this happy go-lucky smirk on his face
    You know the smirk… But this dude walks buy the punk only to sprayed

    He stops walking, turns and yells, “what was that for?”
    The punk gives him the finger, you know the finger, and is all, “FUCK GOD.”

    So the Priest goes up to the punk… face to face, man to man, fist to fist and says,
    “God loves you son.” Well the Punk gave me a surprise and did a thing very unwise…

    He grabbed the bible and through it the puddle. Now, this man is catholic, a man of god
    I could see this man suddenly turning into a 5’8” scary as fuck bahmoth of green power

    But hulk jokes aside, the priest looked like he’d snapped… his neck turned and cracked
    Then he swung, like a warrior with an axe… God had that fools back

    So the punk goes down with a loud sound… So the priest straddles him
    And with a raging fury, continues to pound his face…

    Me being desensitized to violence, it took awhile for me to be disturbed
    And the minute the Priest made the bite down on that curb, I wasn’t

    The man didn’t stomp… Because you know, he’s a man of God.
    So the Priest says to the red faced punk, “what did you say about God.”

    They say punk is dead… not yet because he replied “ FUCK EM.”
    So the priest smirks, you know that smirk, and says… “ God says Fuck you too.”

    Now, how do I captivate that moment when I saw God take evil down?
    How do I chew it up, slosh it around, and spit it out as poetry?

  2. #2
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    this is my first freeverse in a LONG TIME...its an akward style for me in everyway...

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    I don't know William Wantling, but I like your poem.
    It's one of the different types of poems that don't
    really have to rhyme. Has a story to it, I know it's
    expressing this guy's emotions but I am a Christian
    woman and anything insulting God in any way is
    not something that I am very fond of.
    Good Poem though.
    QueenStyle

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    i have no clue how there was a story in that
    and im wit Queenstyle any thin that dises god pisses my off
    i understand free versing is hard but think of different stuff mayn

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    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    thanks much... i suck used to be good at freeverse... i kind of suck at now... uppin... ill hit ya all back

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    Re: first free verse in 2 years-- NO JUSTICE

    uppin?
    SO OLD

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    Re: first free verse in 2 years-- NO JUSTICE

    this must have been RIGHT after I started writing poetry... no joke.

  8. #8

    Re: first free verse in 2 years-- NO JUSTICE

    Yo you got it,but theres a tiny props, lieve the word God out man.U can use this words man. Please. clod,cod,hod,mod,nod,odd,quad,plod,pod,shod,rod there's lots man.
    So I took my dreams and made it sum thousands<=>Then I took my life and I made it an album

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    Re: first free verse in 2 years-- NO JUSTICE

    Quote Originally Posted by O.H.L.M.D View Post
    Yo you got it,but theres a tiny props, lieve the word God out man.U can use this words man. Please. clod,cod,hod,mod,nod,odd,quad,plod,pod,shod,rod there's lots man.
    WTF?.....^^^^^^ what are you saying?....or do you even know.LMFAO

    but anyways as for this FREEVERSE I felt it was pretty good.
    I liked the contrast between the punk rocker and the catholic man.
    I felt as if it could've been different aspects of the same person at different ages.

    It was fun how you built suspense by making us root for either subject....evidently some peeps on here sided with the Catholic guy.....
    )I wanted the punk rocker to win...lolz(

    I dug the experimental structure....it worked with the topic...
    You had good word usage here and I liked the flow of it....

    thankx for this read.

  10. #10
    Save Changes Joseph Grey's Avatar
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    Re: first free verse in 2 years-- NO JUSTICE

    lol funny poem with a unique message, which is how people express shit into paper... it was simple and easy to read along and understand everything. This imagery was cool for the most part, nothing too detailed. Even though the poem was sloppy and the flow of it seemed almost like it just wasn't a poem, i enjoyed it and still give props. After all, it was a freeverse... but i can def picture this having a much better version of it.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ed-384010.html
    ^Hit this up, please.

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