I Wish It Would Rain

[.Mack.]

I Wish it Would Rain


As i stare out a window so dark and gloomy
Lost loves and tragedy all run through me
Wit agony in me As i watch a blowing tree
Tears to the capacity so much i cant see
Open windows of opportunity..
and breazy curtains with the winds beneath me


while i sit back and dream of me in better days
Watching Forsaken slopes where children once played
Just beyond the house of a woman who i loved to serenade
And a fresh breathe of air with that wet aroma
such a sensation i need a doner Nearly put me in a set coma
While each drip of rain stimulates the green
Kids hate dim walls their forced to stay between
with detremental judgement so mean ur forced to tell da truth
These highlands merely resemble a fountain of youth
One sip of the juice and i feel born again untorn
from every body of water in its spring water form
Then i gaze out into the atmosphere as if im near
Praying weeks in advance that this wont disappear

*Takes a deep breath*

Then i take a long blink and let air in
When i realise its come to an abrupt end
N i dont lke da rain but da smells the best
so i wait for wats next, the pretty after effect

[.Mack.]

Saved For Links.

[Spoken Deity]

ill hit this later... Ive got a sermon to write.. haha

[Primum]

Well... Lets see...

Alot of your imagery was pretty good...Not super deep and intricate, but still good. Your fow seemed a BIT off for a few lines but not to bad. Sense this is an OM, Id like to see some illiteration and some multies in there... I liked the rhyme scheme; it worked for this drop for sure....
Some things to work on for this piece...BUT
THe idea was very fresh and it was captured well. In the end, I dig it... Different from my style, but I respect it... good drop, well done sir

[Spoken Deity]

did you already say a bit on my poem?
hit the sig if not... oh...and PSSS^ thats me

[Lil Pac]

This was nice man, like the imagery you got here....real nice.
Some parts didnt flow well, or maybe it was just me. I dunno

[Nemesis.]

This was a solid piece man,
you had a decent rhyme scheme goin, it kept he flow up with the pace of the piece. You threw in some good vocab in places, not so much meta's..but there was alot of emotion to this that you could tell while readin it, it drew me in an kept me readin all they way through. Good shit man,..keep writing.

hit up my omm son.