The 1-2 Punch Week 5 Magazine: Revitalization

[Warming]

Introduction

This is my first week modding the 1-2 Punch league so cut me a little slack while I figure a couple of things out. Everyone be sure to thank Smokajoka for keeping 1-2 running in the absence of all mods, he did a great job.

[youtube]bp05cNnsR3I[/youtube]

This week's featured track is The Kramer by Wale
If you enjoy it you can download the whole Seinfeld-inspired mixtape here: http://www.10deep.com/WALEMIXTAPE/

[Warming]

Battle Reviews

Advisory (1-0) vs. Bartender (1-0)

This virgin's is all failure, we see you as a soft azalia
since we'd only see Adelaide.... vacationing in Australia

fuck ya threats we aint stressin, your ass is runnin outta blessins
3 strikes and your out... of chances nominating YOURSELF into legends

Chrit wins this 12-11 in one of this week's closest battles. This battle really could have gone either way but battlers felt that Chrit's fresh wordplay narrowly overmatched Ad's stinging personal.

O.V.Dose (1-2) vs. Paradox (1-2)

You can't top me its over son, behold this smoking gun
the only time im under Par......... 's when i put a hole in one

U ready now? Coulda fooled me, i'm bout to make this fool bleed
Cuz goin Round Dos is gonna be tuffer
.....................................Than jus drivin thru him at full speed

Another close match that didn't receive as many votes as it deserved. Paradox ended up winning by 1 vote. Good battle guys.

Turd. (1-2) vs. Uben. Sonned (1-2)

Uben is a fat fuck forreal, he cant bare to see food spoil
the closest this dude'll get to healthy is cookin in vegetable oil

Turd's Past His Prime, So His Punches Are Spoiled...
He'll Get Thrown Around Easy..And I Aint Talking About Soil.

Another close and somewhat controversial battle but Uben ended up edging it out. I feel like Turd brought a more original concept to the table but alienated voters by trying to sway them. Everyone be sure to check out the rule changes stickied because all swaying will be met with harsh repercussions.

Contendership: Beyonic (3-0) vs. Blue Bayou (3-0)

Ended his undefeated reign last time with forcable blows.
Yep,
Star in a Blue Streak — only entails Martin Lawrence’s role.

It's sad..
You gotta pay for pussy, so quit the stories and kill the plot
Could call ya sexlife a ballot box...you need paper to fill the slot

Bayou swept the votes in his contendership match despite dropping late. Beyonic put up a good fight but I'm not sure everyone fully appreciated his movie reference and how it was worded.

Contendership: Sobe (3-0) vs. Warming (3-0)

ur name may be global.. but sorry not that rappin', captain
cuz nobody feels warming unless they piss their pants laughin at him

there's no glory til playoffs, in your place any other would quit
but ill do my part for the seeding and leave you covered in shit

Sobe took the majority of votes in this battle against my best efforts. We'll see if he can carry his winning streak through the championship.

Satan. (2-1) vs. THE Ancel (2-1)

You can't ever beat me dude, you never really go far
If you had any common sence you might as well run it through coinstar

i'm stayin on the throne, n this 'big guy' has me gettin' violent
quit talkin bout muscle tone when yours is clearly stuck on silent

Both of these guys missed the deadline but agreed to post on Saturday instead of no showing. Ancel ended up winning.

JChampiiion (3-0) vs. Nemesis. (3-0)

I'm the judge bitch, get snubbed quick. This is seen as an imbalance.
This would only be a testify..
actually thought ya showed evidence of bein a challenge.

Steppin to me? this guys nuts, so just call him a squirrel dude
Cuz your not just 'fuckin' wack, damn your givin it 'oral' too

Nemesis won with a better thought out and less played punch.

Twixn... (2-1) vs. Vaskez (2-1)

Wassup with that name son? s'clear it reps the skill that you got in you
But u don't need the "...", we already KNOW the wackness of Twixn will continue

i'll fuck up vaskez quick... smacking him till he's batterd and bruised....
n' after he's dead
running laps around him so fast, leaving even his skeleton confused

Vaskez won this battle. I didn't find Twixn's play off the skeleton in his av to be that effective.

Jesus™ (2-1) vs. Mauvais Loup (2-1)

you southern faggot, can't fuck with a yankee so why try?
fuck'a Mason<---coz you know the Dixon his ass tonight

Ur good for nuttin but ass kissin n soon you'l see da cost
N i Hate to shoot da breeze wit u but ur only good @ blow'n people off

Jesus won with a better flip than Loup. Loup's wp felt forced to me.

Cry (2-0) vs. Delah Cahjay™ (2-0)

even Obama's better, yo... you suck at rhymes n' make no sense
n' there aint been a prez we liked in years, this DC cat's even below them

What do i gotta say? Well the cats definetly Gay, BET.
I couldn't think up a diss
Cuz their hasn't bein a cry worthy line that hasn't bein played yet.

Cry kind of snuck off with the win here. Punches that abbreviate someone's initials always come off lackluster at best to me but no one really liked Delah's any better.

Matix (2-0) vs. .:SoLidClipZ:.. (2-1)

u've always been weak kid,on the mic I wreak havoc,
cuz SolidClipz always in the back, like Jeezy's ad libs,

i' use to tease your mom's belly..gave it a kiss
but right after we had you...
...i flea' the scene cuz i knew i made Ma' tix

Matix got caught voting for himself because no one else would. Solid won.

No Show Shine

Taint his vision by textual collisions causing fission between his eyes
leave him quivering call me Satan I bury all Saints alive

Baron P. Mortuus vs. Saint

[Warming]

Week 5 Highlight Reel

This virgin's is all failure, we see you as a soft azalia
since we'd only see Adelaide.... vacationing in Australia
-Bartender

I'm the judge bitch, get snubbed quick. This is seen as an imbalance.
This would only be a testify..
actually thought ya showed evidence of bein a challenge.
-Nemesis

U ready now? Coulda fooled me, i'm bout to make this fool bleed
Cuz goin Round Dos is gonna be tuffer
.....................................Than jus drivin thru him at full speed
-Paradox

there's no glory til playoffs, in your place any other would quit
but ill do my part for the seeding and leave you covered in shit
-Warming

Wassup with that name son? s'clear it reps the skill that you got in you
But u don't need the "...", we already KNOW the wackness of Twixn will continue
-Vaskez

It's sad..
You gotta pay for pussy, so quit the stories and kill the plot
Could call ya sexlife a ballot box...you need paper to fill the slot
-Blue Bayou

ur name may be global.. but sorry not that rappin', captain
cuz nobody feels warming unless they piss their pants laughin at him
-Sobe

[Warming]

1-2 Power Rankings: Week 5

10. Jesus

9. Warming

8. Beyonic

7. Bartender

6. Cry

5. Vaskez

4.The Ancel

3. Nemesis

2. Sobe

1. Blue Bayou

[Warming]

Outro

This week was without a doubt, the best of the season so far. I am working hard on improving the league and hope this will become evident over the next several weeks. Make sure to view the stickied rule changes; I am cracking down on swaying in particular. I know I've made a couple of mistakes already so I'd like to thank everyone for their continued understanding and good will. I am actively looking into finding a co-mod to ensure that the 1-2 will continue to run smoothly at all times.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

[Vaskez]

nice mag mayne, good work, and yeah props on taking over the league

[.Mack.]

Hell yea great job man

[R!canTheoryz]

Nice Mag, But were's my battle VS Random? yall forgot about that match lol

[Warming]

Nice Mag, But were's my battle VS Random? yall forgot about that match lol

there really wasn't anything to say, he dropped a no show punch and you dropped after the deadline

[-Shift-]

i got booted out the power rankings for losing to the number 3 overall battler? i beat jesus with a sweep and he's on top of me??

you fucked up hommie

[Meters]

one day i aspire to be amongst the most powerful 1-2 battlers on ALL of RB.. omg

[Mariah]

Hi Meters

[.Mack.]

i got booted out the power rankings for losing to the number 3 overall battler? i beat jesus with a sweep and he's on top of me??

you fucked up hommie

lmao i dropped soft n dat battle and aint lost since

[Meters]

Hi Mariah, how's it hanging

[Mariah]

um...good lol. you?