The President Pretender

[antology]

What have I done? I’ve gambled away my life,
These favors overwrite, overdrawing my bank twice,
Broke as fuck, taking advice from my enemies,
Thinking their my savior but bankruptcy never-ending,
My minds defending the thought of these pokies,
Chucking away dollars, till my pockets turn empty,
contemplating bank robbery, man its so tempting,
but freedoms the only thing left, to appreciate,
so activate my will power, collaborate with Mr. Howard,
collect my welfare, drink myself stupid and cower,
and devour the last in stocks turnin red in an hour,
even further in debt, but shit use to it by now.
Another day broke, not turning my life around,
the less fortunate homeless, pack up and leave town,
a scheme of the mayor, unemployment rates down,
gets elected again, raise tax, to meet ends,
while world hunger continues, oblivious to the lens,
of the leader of this country, man fuck the president,
shakes his hand to the public, as if his resident,
says his one like us, our brothers, his our friends?
If you ask me man, he knows how to pretend.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-371927.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...he-371981.html

[Mz Diamond]

This wasn't bad it flowed real well and it was enjoyable to read... I just felt that you lacked the subject a tad bit... felt like you should have talked more about the president than what you did you more talked about your self and the pain... but not so much of the real point.... or maybe you did I'm throwed right now... but this was good no doubt you had good vocab andd liked the concept... overal decent drop 87./10

[antology]

Cheers for the feed man. Na ya right i noticed just after i posted it, the title was way off point. But yea thanks man.

[AlphaMetric]

this wasnt bad, the flow was ok for me but context was pretty good, didnt go with title, but it was good, I think you could use a little bit of wordplay to make it flow better but it was good... keep up man..., RTL my plead to the angels

[cartoommans]

I found that the text is quite nice but just a little away from the title. Anyway that's quite nice.

[antology]

Yea i chose a complete wrong title. Realised after i posted it lol

[antology]

Leave some feed please.

[MaNic_DePreSion]

The flow and topic were creative, just some of your lines seemed like it needed a stretch to rhyme.

But other wise decent metaphors and imagery.

[AlphaMetric]

ya can check out this antology
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...op-372544.html

[antology]

Can i get one more reply on dis. CHeers

[Nemesis.]

This was decent,

you had more emotion than anything, an that stood out in the piece. The only downfall was the rhymescheme was lackin in this. An you had some nursery rhymes. The overrall content was good. Just throw in some multi's an a little more vocab next time. Good shit man keep writing.. hit up my om

[antology]

Cheers man, thanks for thee feed. Keep it comin

[mr9thward]

damn cuz, i like that drop, i agree wit mzdiamond, u coulda been more on the subject or the topic....the flow was nice, words were real, all in all...9/10

[antology]

Thanks bro, thinkin bout adding to it soon. Keep feed comin

[nineties flava]

This was aight but like the others said stay away from the nursery rhymes and try out a new rhyme scheme . For instance, you could've done something like this:

Broke as fuck, taking advice from my enemies,
Thinking their my remedy but bankruptcy never-ending,

instead of:

Broke as fuck, taking advice from my enemies,
Thinking their my savior but bankruptcy never-ending,


Of course you'd have to rework the bar to have it make perfect sense but you get the point.

O/A, this was about a 6.5/10. Not bad, but could use some work.

return the feed on my piece "killin it"