The Bottom of Another Bottle

[Lauren.]

The Bottom of Another Bottle
A shot to the throat deals a blow to the vision
With a mission for precision with it's neural division
As the thoughts drift along with every disposition
To the carefree mass of mindless decisions
Remission's a nightmare of epic proportions
The goal isn't recovery--
It's total distortion
So just pour some more until your instinct hits the floor
Let your vitals start to roar until it seems like less is more
It's an encore of chaos until your will is broken
Telling token secrets that were better left unspoken
Before you're choking on blood...
or is it raspberry pucker??
And screaming "mother fucker!" till they mix you another
Sobreity is fading, invading the edges of time
Ticking off the hours with a fresh wedge of lime
Sublime retention then divine intervention
As your sin hits the toilet as a crude introspection
Confession forgotten, the aroma so rotten
Passed out on the couch, drowning guilt in its cotton

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ss-371968.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ms-371532.html

[Tha Prophet]

Could have put in a little more specifics and really developed the plot/idea, however it was good. Deep and was feeling it. Like the image above too. Again, just develop it a bit more and this piece would be top notch. Nice drop!

[Lauren.]

thanks, it's been a while since I wrote an OM. But I didn't wanna get too specific as a metaphor for being wasted cuz you don't really remember specifics

[Tha Prophet]

TRUE! Like I said, I liked it anyway and really knowing that, its DAMN GOOD.

[Mauvais Loup]

hey Fiya How YOU doin'? [/joey.voice]

decent concept on this piece. the rhyme scheme and flow was on point for the most part. the imagery was pretty good, although i think you could've gone more in depth with this. i think there was a beginning missing to this plot. it would've been much more enjoyable, easier to relate to and interesting to see a set-up to this. more or less, a better story-line to explain why this person is resorting to alcoholism and why they feel they need to. it lacked any conflict, which again, goes to the story line and setting up everything. overall, this was a decent piece, i just would've liked to see you go further into it. keep writing.

-Coh

[Lauren.]

thanks lol, this is the first piece I've written in a LONG time so I appreciate the honesty

[Sw0ne]

dope verse.

reminded me of atmosphere to some degree but it was original and fresh.

best line imo was the ras pucker, motherfucker , pour me another...

[antology]

Nice concept man, very deep.
Nice flow and pretty good ryhmes too man with some alright imagery, wasnt heaps clear but it was still pretty good.
Keep it up.
Can you leave feed on my peice " deny it all you want" when you get time?

[AlphaMetric]

yo man, cool shit here, liked the topic, flow was good, but it gotten better has you gotten farther into the piece, first few lines flowed i find then hit a rock then i had to like re-ajust myself kinda, maybe if i read it another time ill flow, 2 lazy right now... your vocab was tight, and imagery, very good, overal, this was a good entertaining piece.... you should write more here man... untill then, peace out

[Lauren.]

yeah, thanks for the feed. oh and I'm not a man lol

[AlphaMetric]

oh, your a female...

[AlphaMetric]

ok i re-read it, dang, it did flow twice as better secound time reading it lol

[Thrust]

haha first off i love the picture and reading drunken pieces is interesting.
made me think of how i am when i drink but i usually don't get up over the toilet. seems like if you wrote the piece of yourself maybe you should learn your limits...however shit happens like you said "mother fucker" usually does mean "where the fucks the liquor"

haha well pretty good job nice little read.

[Lauren.]

haha thanks and it's partly my experience, partly my friends's that I've witnessed lol

[Lauren.]

bumping