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Thread: Last Breathe

  1. #1
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    Last Breathe

    Heres something I wrote a lil'bit ago, tell me what ya think!


    A man clutches his chest, gaspin’ for air breathin’ his last breath//
    Visions of his death intermitten with his wife layin’ him to rest//
    Another life ends with and tha transcending of a new beginnings//
    Past, present endings.. with open arms extending, life is pending//
    Truth is spoken and apprehending, thoughts are prophesied in common times//
    Constant fears arise when perpetrating minds commit homicide violent crimes//
    On tha benches bums drinkin’ wine.. Devine spirits are forever intertwined//
    Blind with open eyes focused on tha state of decline of tha present kind//
    Havin’ stars misaligned, no hope for tha future with tha youth injected with open lies//
    Families have broken ties, struggle to compramise a reprise for there own demise//
    Unmasking a disguise… hate with tha children of another race that’s no mistake//
    Embedded in their minds to contemplate so many different ways to aggravate//
    Exaggerated, theres no debate.. We need to take control of tha way we grip our fate//
    Women getting’ raped, cryin’ all alone because that’s tha only way that they can escape//
    Whats at stake.. Young girls thinking’ they need to dress like whores so a man will desire//
    That’s not required, but what transpires is that we just continue to add fuel to tha fire//
    Than a so called man smacks a woman down for her attire and calls her a bitch and a lyer//
    Trapped in and wrapped up in barbed wire, call you sire and have you preachin to tha choir//
    Young kids lookin’ on tha streets for father figures and receive love from crooked thugs//
    Left alone by their moms with no money lookin’ at tha lifestyle of sellin’ drugs//
    End up poppin’ slugs, thinking’ they hard and finally catch one and layin’ in blood//
    Shells line tha mud, remains of tha previous nights fights with tha loss of another love//
    Another kid goes to school to get an education so he can become tha best//
    Teenaged girl looks into tha mirror and finally realizes shes okay with her chest//
    Single mother workin’ a double shift and takin’ care of her family with no rest//
    A man clutches his chest, gaspin’ for air, breathin’ his last breath//

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Mz Diamond's Avatar
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    Re: Last Breathe

    Need some links fam... to give feed...
    Open Mic :


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  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ...Fini...'s Avatar
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    Re: Last Breathe

    Real good peice, i like the long-bar style texting. Great content and flow as well. You would make a really good topical battler with some practice. Stay postin fam.

  5. #5
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    Re: Last Breathe

    Very nice peice. nice concept and flow stayed on point. Dont really like the way you set the peice out, but it didnt affect the quality of it any way.
    Keep it up man.
    Leave feed on "Deny it all you want" if you get time man.

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