Hidden Darkness

[AlphaMetric]

Hidden Darkness




This darkness, in arising strength
And fear fastening in length
With evil spirits in my thoughts
Hiden behind these masking walls
10 ft high rising sky with no life
without purpose and dark minds
got to survive these evil nights
almost got trapped with no lights
hidden darkness without body
it’s unbearable this pain I feel
with chills so deadly when it spills
it’s melt away the surface of my skin
To numb the pain I drink Bacardi and Gin
With anger violently growing
So drunk I don’t even know where I’m going
Gonna go kill this motherfucker
Because I’m hidden darkness

[AlphaMetric]

links are coming

[AlphaMetric]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ds-371673.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rs-371774.html

[antology]

Nice man, liked the topic and how you stayd on point, nice ryhmes and your flow kept on point, it maybe ventured off in a couple of area's but for most of it it flowed well. Would of liked it to be longer lol. Good peice

[Mz Diamond]

First off it was too short... a concept like this should be fully thought out... and I felt that the beginning was choppy... didn't really paint a picture for the reader.. And it wasn't that enjoyable... just ehh.... I see that every drop of yours you have to have "Motherfucker" I dnt understand why but I've noticed your going to throw it in there somewhere... try to stay away from that... if its not needed dnt use it... there's plenty of other words you can use to so the emotion in the piece... vocab needs work.. And so do your lyrical work... try to step outside the box when you have an heavy concept and make sure the drop is creative... just dnt throw lines together then you get a shitty piece..... words of advice... keep writing fam 6.5/10

[Lauren.]

overall this wasn't bad. The flow was a little hard to follow, but you had some good imagery and honest emotions. If you had elaborated on the concept a little more, it might have come through more clearly. Also, some of your vocab seemed a bit dry, so try spicing that up a little bit to add more emotion and intensity to the piece. Keep trying though, it gets easier

[AlphaMetric]

thanks man, first time trying with an image