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Thread: how i do

  1. #1

    how i do

    ive got similies and metaphors
    ur still in diapers while im in ur mothers drawers
    stop ur rhymes as if ijust hit pause
    spill ur brains all over these walls
    if u ever wanna mention my name in another song of urs
    im the bringer of death
    my rhymes take away ur breath
    im as sick as there is i sniff petrol
    and skull down bottles of meth
    im as hard as my dick
    if i see a chick then fuck oath shes gettin it
    drag her into the forest and paint the forest red
    leave her hangin to get rid of her fuckin smile
    call u tell u she wont be home in awhile
    im as sick as they come
    squeeze my cock till its numb
    then shove it up this sluts bum
    and i was high as fuck so i didnt feel a thing
    cold ass soul so no emotion coming in
    drag the bitch by the head o shes dead so that
    means she wont be able to swim
    damn how was i suppose to no
    hey look there she goes
    floatin in the ocean
    with no emotion i recorded it
    so i could watch it back in slow motion

    coz im that sick if u was this sick youd
    be vomitting u wanna volunteer
    step in line if u want another hole in ur rear
    they say ur pretty in pink i say u look better in red
    got a killer instinct and im high of my head

    this chick said i was perverted when i showed her the first verse
    she better be ready becuse i got the machette and its only gonna get worse
    she thought it was sickening when i told her i rape innocent
    women while listenin to eminem and id still do it evwen if the
    bitch was pregnant and probly again till the bitch can no longer handle it
    i choked her and gagged her every sercond seemed like she was getting louder
    i whacked her and asked her politley if she could be quiter
    coz i dont wanna wake up the neighbours and explain why
    im fuckin rapin my mother nar im just pulling ur leg i wouldnt have the balls
    to do half the shit i just said

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rk-235602.html

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ry-371772.html

  2. #2

    Re: how i do

    feed please

  3. #3

    Re: how i do

    crit please?

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Mz Diamond's Avatar
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    Mar 2008
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    Florida
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    1-1

    Re: how i do

    You suck quit rapping... and that's being real.. No I'm not hating... your lyrics are ass... I hope you dnt think that you actually did something... if you do kill yourself...seriously...

    First off all your bars were played... wasn't nothing creative about this drop... and you repeated yourself numerous times saying the same shit... just wording it different...that's a big NO... this was far from complex,vocab was basic, imagery=none, your drop was all over the place pick a topic and stay on topic.... have one rhyme scheme.... and learn how to structure your bars...

    There's really not much to say except that this was a very weak drop 4/10 for effort..
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  5. #5

    Re: how i do

    lol ino im just getting used to rapping thanks for the crit tho

  6. #6
    Rebirth.exe Phoenix.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    UK
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    2,873
    Battle Record
    11-4

    Re: how i do

    Quote Originally Posted by Mz Diamond View Post
    You suck quit rapping... and that's being real.. No I'm not hating... your lyrics are ass... I hope you dnt think that you actually did something... if you do kill yourself...seriously...

    First off all your bars were played... wasn't nothing creative about this drop... and you repeated yourself numerous times saying the same shit... just wording it different...that's a big NO... this was far from complex,vocab was basic, imagery=none, your drop was all over the place pick a topic and stay on topic.... have one rhyme scheme.... and learn how to structure your bars...

    There's really not much to say except that this was a very weak drop 4/10 for effort..

    although some of what you are saying may be true, everyone starts off wack and gradually becomes more confident :/. Damo you need to find a topic you can stick to. This piece was all over the place, try shortening your bars and using a 1-bar rhymescheme wich should make it easierto read.

    p'z
    CReDability
    Twelve13 Designs

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: how i do

    Yea man, you got alot to learn, but keep at it man. Always room for improvement. Dont take notice of that reply man.

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