Awake in my Sleep.

[Ntalek]

Awake in my Sleep.
I.J.L. Collab
Written By: Ntalek(1,3) and Smoka Joka(2)



leaving the party smashed-shrooms and hearty hash
out of cash and low on gas I'm so blasted I'm
thinking I'll make it home quicker so I go fast.
Pedal to the metal to settle the score mashed.
hit a square to catch the last short blast-
the lights flash as if my eyes were rolled back
after smoking a whole pack just to relax
and wrap up a night of relapse everthing
seen slow as i elapse the streets map.
feeling no need to ease straps across
my lap. Blindly reaching 90-leaving streets
behind me. Approaching stop signs in tire
screeching timing-then proceed to speedy
driving. Arrive at the next light sliding
into a truck just my luck we're coinciding.
Unconcious but I hear the blaring sirens.
Now he's living and my family thinks I'm dying
A phone call they don't stall they're there crying.



I black out, passed out...not havin a blast now
I hear a woman ask how my crash plowed
The truck in half, darkness again another nap
There's nothing to laugh at this fucking crap
I'm stuck in a trap just enough to grasp
Everyone's voices but I can't move or hoist shit
Feelin remorse hit, and sore as a bitch
Moist pits in my arm, can't do anything about it
My mind's clouded, I wanted to shout it
"I'm OK!!", but there's just something wrong
As doctor's poke and prong, I wanted to respond
Get on with my life and have kids and a wife
They shine lights in my eyes, I'm wondering why?
They shake their heads dumbfounded and sigh
I'm bound to die, I hear my mothers cries
As they remove this tube from my throat
I just hope I dont die slow....

"Now in the room and I'm ghost."
Once they pulled the cord
My heart was torn.
My Mother whips out the insurance card
I learned she planned insurance fruad.
Still burning from my visit to my newest god.
Emotional endurance scard, inbetween the plural bars
She's faking wit my mural palmed. I can see her thoughts
she's thinking of moving on and purchasing a rural farm.
That's when the doctor grabbed her arm and leaned in
with a dancing tongue as they agreed their plan was done.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...do-371733.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...le-371206.html

[Mz Diamond]

This was a well written piece... the first verse was pretty decent had a hard to catch flow because of the structure... but I re read it to catch it and it helped a lot...you had very good imagery...and the description was on point... no lines really stood out over the others... wasn't much complexity in the bars... but you had nice emotion...overall this was a nice drop 7.6/10

Second verse was better the flow came off real smooth... and I really liked the imagery... you had a clear picture and that was a plus.... I could see the emotion in the bars and in the lines... the description was decent....felt it could have been a little bit deeper but it was cool...vocab was kool to... I mean this verse really gave the piece a few extra enjoyment points... good... verse 8/10

Third verse I will have to say it was a tad bit disappointing... I thought the ending could have been better instead of just ending it... you should have went more into being a ghost...and make it a little drawn out... the flow was good... and the imagery was ok...it was a very short ending verse...a little unexpected the way it ended, but it was okay...the vocab...was ok... need a bit of work... over all 7.2/10

Mean overall this was a nice piece both writers did they thing... I think it would have been better if there was more complexity throughout the drop.... could have played around with some wordplay... and good use of strong multi's... yall executed the concept,imagery,decription,flow, everything... just could have had a stronger ending..but its cool... 9.6/10 both yall keep writing... will like to see more

[WordPloy]

good piece yo. i like the way it flowed for the most part, it was dramatic---
wording was good, i just felt the last verse sort of went off flow and got a bit choppy, though i thought the idea of an ending was decent, attempting to shock. - but could of been thought out a bit more,
there was a good amount of imagery, and most rhymes seemed pretty smoothly delivered
so all in al was an entertaining piece

pz

[...Fini...]

You have an excelent writing style with flow and a dark poetic feel. The imagery in this peice was second to none and the rhyme scheme was alltogether ill Great drop, keep this shit up.

[Nemesis.]

This was a sick drop. The flow alongg with the content of the story were greatt. It drew me in as a reader. You both brought the same smoothe flow to this piece, an the vocab was on point as well. Great piece, keep writinnn.

[P. Mortuus]

Need another Link. Closed.

[Steven William]

So I read this twice now, I read it the other night and forgot I even read it. Then again just now.

It was nice, at first I couldn't get a grip on Ns first verse flow, seems like it was broken down with periods ending each line rather than just creating a new one to separate them. I don't know what it was but I was confused at first.

Besides that the entire first verse was dope, the usage of multis in it was my favortie part about it, it's my type of written. It's how I like to write, so of course I'm going to enjoy reading it also. Imagery in both the first and last verse was on point. My only complaint is that the last verse seemed kind of short could have taken that further in my opinion.

And as for smoka, well you only typed one verse, and you followed N. You suck.
Really though, I liked the second verse it strongly added on to the story but with a completely individual style to it. Good use of multis again by you, made it an enjoyable read for me, got that sick imagery and emotion in there too.

Great read guys.

Please hit up my "Child In Me" OM, thanks

[SmokaJoka]

bump for more feed, and I'll return the favor for those who have already fed later tonight

[AlphaMetric]

I'm feeling this man, oh, the imagery was on point and fliowed real good... i dont see much fault on this,.. damn, make it 3x longer and you got something crazy on audio. so yeah, good job guys

[Dekken]

I see you've deffinitly taken your time in writing this, all the verses we're well wriitn but i felt number 2 the most, the flow was sick, i wanna hear it spit, u deffinitly got some writing skills dude keep the shit up...

peep some of mine...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ck-372590.html

[Spoken Deity]

So I was in the mood for a short read AND I almost went to another link but I read like two lines and I was in.
Your guys flow was brilliant. Effing amamzing.I could see chillen to this song, people freakin out to it like the IT song Dance with the Devil. Brilliant...
Your guy's imagery was brilliant... How you didnt have to destroy sentence structure to the tell the story and fit rhymes makes the images that much more clear. A beautiful piece.
You both dropped dope. This is one of those links I save when I want to show younger guys what a dop topical drop is.
loved it.... Hit my sig for my poetry drop...
ps. I'm throwin this up for july noms...