Hard Love & Skyscrapers [Cry & Perseus]

[Cody Nash]

Hard Love & Skyscrapers
By: Perseus & Cry

^in that order...







"As I display this shit, know I'm hatin' it,
I even feel like a fuckin' emo sayin' it...
but today I sit... up on a skyscraper,
and I still can't get a mind to hate her."



A smooth, yet vibrant beating of sound
turns violent as the feeling runs round...
from ceiling to ground,
but what's the reason she shouts?
To provoke a color I dare not paint...
pulls out her keys, and I dare not restrain
I'm scared and I'm strained,
I'd ask her to stop the pain,
-but everything seems to shatter,
my opinion may scream, but it won't matter
I had nothing, but yet had her?
Now I sit back as my memories scatter.
I look out the window, now she's gone,
only wishing she'd...

Forgive the wrong...
and wave goodbye while sayin' so long!
I'm so wrong, but she's so strong as she keeps up,
and I lead her to dead ends; she breathe's muck,
reeking of... old writing that was never published,
none that was enough to ever flush this -
one track, love-less, couple down the toilet,
a life that was too loud, but now the noise fits!
boy, it's just ten seconds from being twenty minutes,
and twenty minutes from being something finished,
was she in it? was she winnin'? I can't tell -
and as my life's falling, I ask hell -
"why have I fell?" and "why was it from grace?"
I've stared deep into love's face...
she's a nutcase... but I love her 'till the end,
and I will pretend before she kills me dead...
with a guilty head, wait... did I just say?
OH GOD! I'M FALLING BUT STILL IN LOVE TODAY?
oh, please no... I was afraid!
NOW I'D LOVE TO PRAY!
I still love her, don't do this...
this building's a crude, bitch -
I'll get through this... though my lungs burn,
grant me this - I love her...
I didn't mean not to think first...
*SMASH*
-that really hurt
and now my hearts on the outside of my t-shirt.


"As I display this shit, know I'm hatin' it,
I even feel like a fuckin' emo sayin' it...
but today I sit... up on a skyscraper,
and I still can't get a mind to hate her."

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-371617.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...do-371733.html

[Atti]

alright.. my hang up with this piece, was the meter and rhyme schemes. perseues? you used the most simplistic metrical pattern to allow yourself room to write with a poetic aesthetic, however, your poetics weren't strong enough to warrant the frail rhyme scheme. often your lines came off as poorly worded as well so even though the rhyme was so simple it still didn't sound smooth. so i was kind of turned off by that verse entirely to be honest. as for cry, my issue was again the meter, not because of strength or weakness in it but i felt like word choice became to subject to change based off of the meter. so i would start out completely vibing with your content and approach but then hit 'breathes muck' or 'flushed down the toilet' which compromised the tone that had been set up prior to those lines which seemed dumb down strictly to fit within the meter. so, cool piece conceptually, very creative which is especially noted by me, but, too much fell short for me.

[Sw0ne]

yo. the fuck is this site...

hahahaha

atti... you his mentor or some shit? i didnt think ne thing was wrong with this peice.

i was feelin it.

[Keeby Swaggz]

"hard love and skyscrapers"??? I'm sorry... I came in here thinkin' it was an ode to my penis...

[WordPloy]

here is--
my 4 lines--
another dead rhyme from that faggot cry

nuff said

[AlphaMetric]

i dont know man, i didnt feel this piece, very creative, but was hard to get a flow to it. i mean, at part it flowed perfect but it's off and on ya know, keep it on, check out my colab with antology

[antology]

Yea didnt feel it al all, dosent mean theres no room for improvement, keep at it.

[Cody Nash]

lol jesus christ, you wack faggots need to stay out of here... you couldn't write something half as good using both hands and your brains full potential.




to wordploy/vortex and the two gay followers.



thanks for feed atti... it was really quickly written...

[DA_|NF|N|TE_1]

To be honest, this piece had alot of feeling to it as well as vision... Good shit.