Cinema is Poetry

[Twixn...]

Cinema is Poetry

I could project you through a movie reel
soul flayed onto the screen
picture - perfect
with a core blinding to those that care to watch
a dim theater with a smoky aroma...
Mislead - Through Fog
the audience all lost in the cancer that eats the screen
a melody plays deaf to most.
Screeching - Bliss
on the killers ninth life,
we start to submit ourselves
Flung - Guilt
and without a whisper of doubt
the captions play in transitions
Backwards - Out of order

this gambit we deal on the table
breathes life into a desert lisle...
Cinema then captures those senses
and holds them in awe
for all to blend and mix into uncertainty
bordering with excitement as the climax hits
does it leave the aftertaste,
that makes you want to experience.
makes you want to bleed onto the white sand
and grow something on that isle...
or do you strike up a new conversation
already discontent with the viewing...
Cinema is... Poetry.

[Spoken]

damn this was really full of emotion...i loved how your view of this really captured like a 3d like movie act through words...it got me from start to finish man...really. the wording in this was great...you held your own part of this piece high and you said read me.....as i did man.. i kept on and on... i just read this and its been a while since i have read a good poem and seeing as you have done this man...great job on this.... nice shit twix...man i still wanna collab with your ass fool! anyways man nice drop,,,and if you could RTF by feeding other pieces around here man... im not asking for mine to be fed on...but feed on the others as well man seriously we need active old heads who love the form of writing to critic others to keep US writers going man...and as a new mod i would apprecaite your time as i hope you have of my time of feed... i mean its not much but that is all i could say for now...ill edit in more later but this from words of now is a great read and projected pure emotion and story! props.

[Varentao]

Well from this i can deffo tell you get caught up in the experience of the cinema. But it's so introverted i struggle to understand some of the concepts you're looking to convey. It's a disjointed piece, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but to me this has no saving grace to make it anything other than a decent piece to get what yer feeling out onto the page rather than a well constructed poem that has a coherence to it.

I can see what you're trying to do, but i'd reel it in a bit and not be too abstract and all over the place.

[Twixn...]

^ then it wouldn't be my style or what i was aiming for...

but thanks anyway.

[Perseus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-371542.html
Feed me!


This was really nice in the emotional catagory like write said. And in the end, I felt you did a very nice job on the overall content of the writing. At first, I was liked.. 'alright, this is cool.' but then I reached the second stanza and was like 'he went from cool to near perfection'. Loved this shit man, there was no real rhymescheme like I am used to using. But your wording was really well followed and carried a poetic/novelic flow with it. The concept was really nice, and I felt you sprung some nice emotion in here as well.. keep writing.

Favorite lines..

Cinema then captures those senses
and holds them in awe
for all to blend and mix into uncertainty
bordering with excitement as the climax hits
does it leave the aftertaste,
that makes you want to experience.

[Twixn...]

^ thanks man... will return feed soon.

[Varentao]

^ then it wouldn't be my style or what i was aiming for...

but thanks anyway.

That's fair enough. But i don't think the problem with the piece is it's 'style' but it's 'standard'. It's okay being abstract as long as there is a central flow and the sentences form correctly. And the abstractions are accessible.

[Twixn...]

^ they seem accessible enough to me...

im relating cinema to a metaphor... it's not rocket science.

i'm sure it can be difficult to wrap ur head around some of the concepts... but the general feel is there in my opinion...

but everyone is entitled to there own... thanks for the input. ...

i'm trying to get more concrete in my style.

[Varentao]

^ they seem accessible enough to me...

im relating cinema to a metaphor... it's not rocket science.

i'm sure it can be difficult to wrap ur head around some of the concepts... but the general feel is there in my opinion...

but everyone is entitled to there own... thanks for the input. ...

i'm trying to get more concrete in my style.

Exactly. It's about elevation. I wont go on.

[Twixn...]

will hit up links in the morn...

promise this time... made a sticky note.

/dork.

up.