1-2 Punch Magazine: A New Beginning?

[Warming]

Intro

Well the cats out of the bag. Season 16 has begun and it caught the majority of the site by complete surprise. If you missed your first battle, tough. At least we don't have to deal with the pre-season battles that didn't count towards your rankings this time around.

Expect some major infrastructure changes for the next few weeks. Battles are back to being due Friday.. and being set by Monday.. so be sure to stick around to see what comes out of the woodwork.. and who ends up modding the rest of the season.

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[Warming]

Battle Reviews

Not all battles will be reviewed due to high number of no-shows.

Paradox Vs. Satan.

You ain't a nice pimp guy, don't come at me tryna get strong
Your girl has that coke bottle look....when it's crushed and step on

Got enuff Ill punches to poison Satan in his sleep
Put u unda house arrest...
Have u Folding@Home wit no cure for wackness in ya reach

This is the kind of battle I hate to vote on because both punches are fundamentally flawed. See while I can relate to a girl having a coke bottle figure I cannot relate to a girl looking like shattered glass. I couldn't really follow Paradox's concept at all. As luck has it, Satan won, but I honestly couldn't say which punch was actually better.

Slim_Desperado Vs. JChampiiion

Is your girl a slut? You won't be feelin the answer,
Fareal, her legs spread wide faster than some cancer

get winning out of your head...put the thoughts in a pot and steam it
i'm making 'Slim' so sick of losing, RB would think he's 'bilemic'

Another battle where the concepts weren't developed as cleanly as I would have liked. Jchamp swept the votes despite a terribly executed punch.

Vaskez Vs. Dominator.

Got some of RB's greatest signed in, I hold it down with vet boarders
but in text, Dom's the GOAT...
...COW, or anythin else that's bound to get slaughtered

this dude isnt getting chicks, sex? for him its wrong
cuz when it comes to eating pussy,
dude passes the plate like brenda song

Vaskez won this but Dominator got a smattering of votes. I didn't fully get Dom's even after googling brenda song so yea.. its no surprise really.

Coherent. Vs. Beyonic

all the bitches from earlier seasons couldn't handle you, needless to say
i'll treat you like a vegas fag and show it takes a Mandalay Bey

This is game and set, you couldn’t break any fine hoe.
Looks got a caveman rep. - but enough about the face of this geico.

One of the closest battles this week, i thought coherent's was harder hitting but beyonic ended up winning. Both of these would have benefited from a stronger set-up.

R!canTheoryz Vs. Keyword

your shit comes short to me, I really feel nothin' after your rhymes
you could use all your "rican" power..
..and still not come up with a spic tacular line

Trouble Comes Around, He'll Get The Cut? But Im Not Gonna split wit you homie,
-So When They Say Im Pass Werd, Lost? it Was The Results of This Match, Cuz Of Logg In Difficulties


I thought keyed concept was a little corny but it was still more than enough to beat rican's awkwardly worded and stretched punch.

Augury Vs. Devils_Diamond

Your a FortuneTeller? well let me Tell you your Fortune Rookie...
Nobody believes in you, and you'll get cracked in two like a Fortune Cookie

You're nothing but a bitch dawg, nowhere near tough
Thought he was a diamond cause I left him in the rough

This battle got pretty slept on, didn't get more than 5 votes. I thought it was relatively even but the voters gave it to augury.

Sianide Vs. Waffle Johnson

you a has been y lines used you be nice and harder
ya toe level on de-feet is high...
...so as far as this little piggy here well...sia ya nara

your style's wack, i love your notebook in a coffin
i eat waffles quicker then fat bitches in the mornin.

Really?.. I just looked over the votes and still don't get how waffle ended up winning this. Admitedly, Sianide came really basic but I couldn't follow Waffle's concept smoothly at all.

Blue Bayou Vs. JayIgh

This faggot'll never land hoes, an L is how youll start this
So the worlds gay? makes sense since blue covers 3/4ths of it

Ya concepts corny as fuck, it's clear in every bout ya witless
Each drop expresso much whackness it's puttin Star Bucks outta business

Blue took this with a more polished punch. Jay's concept wasn't bad but he could have done a lot more with the execution.

King Ancel Vs. Mariah Noelle

Mariah seem fit? plz go on a diet, quit puttin snacks in ya purse
were sicka stomach'n ass, thats why its so hard readin' verse

You're a faggot and it's known, plus Anc there's no doubt you're beat
Cuz you rep verbal intercourse n use it as an excuse for mouth herpes

Another battle that could really use some more votes. Ancel ended up taking this with a more original punch, verbal intercourse has been around long enough that those kind of punches don't come off that fresh.

[Warming]

Power Rankings

1. Blue Bayou

Seasons 12 & 15 Champ. 'Nuff said.

2/3. Com & Vaskez

The LLL mods. Have probably been battling longer than anyone else on this list. Both have champed the league before though Com did it twice.

4. Beyonic

He hasn't champed the league yet but has come close many times, making it to the semi-finals of last season and I think the finals of Season 13.

5. The Ancel

A solid LLL head who made it to the semi-finals of the current season. He will do well if he applies his efforts.

6. ...?...

Another talented LLL head.

7. Cry

100+ wins in the front lines. Just one punch is nothing for him.

8. Nemesis

aka Lay Fear the almost-champion of LLL Junior, he should do well applying his skills elsewhere.

9. Sobe

i don't have the resume specifics on me but he knows how to throw a good punch

10. keywerd

another LLL head that's been around for a while

[Warming]

Outro

The first week sucked.. but the fact that we're probably getting a new mod more than makes up for it. Drop better this week, please!

[Vaskez]

uh, you done? Lol...nah good mag homie, thanks for doing it

[Rant]

good mag warm.

[Idealistixx]

how could u not power rank the pinnacle?

[Nemesis.]

good mag d00d.

[Vaskez]

how could u not power rank the pinnacle?

I guess there are too many dudes better than you right now, but stay up and you'll get ranked.

lol tho warm, most peeps think I been battlin for longer than I have, s'only 3 years since my first ever noob, wack as hell text battle lol.
Com been at it for, what, 5 or more years and I'm pretty sure ancel was around before me...

[Blue Bayou]

^I've been around since the end of 03 and so has beyond i believe.. just not on RB

but ya cool mag man, everything looks on point for the most part...props on the effort

[Vaskez]

yeah exactly, so I'm nowhere near the longest time battler. I thought you were around at least as long as me blue.

diff is. Vaskez IS my first name lol, I didnt try to erase my wack noob past, which is embarrasing now lmao. So yeah Apr 2005 is when I started, well may actually

[-Shift-]

i've been battling here since 03...no love for me =(

[Vaskez]

guess I was a relatively fast elevator. Only people I seen or heard of elevating possibly faster or the same are automatic, lay doubt and phlymo

[Mr. Write]

i havent battled on this site since 04-05 lol. Overall kind of pointless, but a good distraction.

[Twixn...]

^ yeah i feel the same...

i'll only really mess around with 1-2 punch... otherwise it's audio and poetry for me.