User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: Thomas Penny

  1. #1
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    35
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins

    Thomas Penny

    Thomas Penny
    -A cold murder in the night



    Blank my thoughts remain,
    near the border of plain;
    I seem more insane,
    since bland…
    …fell asleep in my veins.
    I stay in confinement,
    Feeling lost and blinded;
    generosity- I couldn’t find it
    my emotions react irate.
    My house is a broken prison,
    with visions of bad decisions;
    Guess that’s why I’m so contingent,
    with my heart needing decryption.
    -to be opened
    Upon my death so to say,
    my soul slowly decays;
    My thoughts left in dismay,
    so I let go with no delay.
    I was left for display,
    darkness was here to stay;
    Living every single day,
    a freak with no eyes…
    …whose lost his way.
    So I remain to pray.
    For anger keeps attacking me,
    pruning happiness drastically;
    Rushing through madness passively,
    from the demons own majesty.
    My mind easily lies,
    six feet deep with closed eyes;
    Crushed upon lost cries,
    that goes unheard yet is alive.
    .
    .
    .
    The devil had arrived!

    To PULL US
    In his world of shame-
    To SCHOOL US
    In his trinket games-
    To FOOL US
    Into being tamed-
    To RULE US
    As we are his slaves-
    .
    .
    .

    NO!
    “I shall prosper”

    Today is not the day,
    I dig up my own grave;
    My heart is kept safe,
    that no lock could EVER break.
    My ideas rained magic,
    never stuck with practic;
    Yet my heart…
    …was wrapped with plastic,
    my life was tragic.
    The measures I took were drastic,
    I was swept by panic;
    and fell asleep on havoc,
    The devil took its pick…
    …whatever he wanted- he could have it

    “I had a passion for fashion,
    and a fashion for flashing;
    which only ever happened,
    when I closed my eyes to imagine”


    Flaccid my heart goes,
    on the path I chose;
    Satan finally arose,
    to lock the door behind me…
    …and forever keep it closed.
    Let me apply a visual,
    of how my life was risible;
    And how I have been ridiculed,
    of happiness on broken pedestal.
    My own Petty-Stool
    .
    .
    .
    What a wicked shame,
    a scheme that remains the same;
    A no name…
    …that is not tamed,
    Unleashed of its dying pain.
    Bent over my pride and joy,
    my emotions felt moist;
    My intentions rigged and poise,
    hushed the little lady…
    …before the racket noise,
    -came along with sorrow
    I only meant to borrow,
    for a few minutes or till tomorrow;
    I don’t know what came over me
    One moment she’s laughing…
    …next thing you know her heart was hollow.
    which I took with no regret to swallow,
    I knew others would follow.
    By the numbers they roared,
    I finally hit the core;
    while my hands…
    …bloodied and sore,
    kept twitching to explore.
    Her beauty along the shore,
    with her heart flapping on the floor;
    What’s this fuckin’ ruckus for
    -I pondered
    .
    .
    .
    You’re the one who locked the door,
    wanting some rough sex and more;
    You took the tour,
    All I did was lead…
    …and do the deed as a chore.
    You broke out all your fantasies,
    I knew you had a plan for me;
    wanting a little space to breathe,
    Hiding all your secrets underneath.
    -that million dollar smile
    I always fall for a stupid bitch,
    whose after my silly dick;
    Who always seems flip the script,
    On me with some crooked shit!
    but I shut her mouth up really quick.
    -here BITCH take this hit!
    Before it slapped front page,
    I caged the lies she made;
    But fell more and decayed,
    as anger gave me away.
    -PRICELESS
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  2. #2
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    35
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  3. #3
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Thomas Penny

    SO FUCKING LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!


    Fuck me, sideways. Your piece fill my head till it's about to explode man lol. You write novel long verses and it's BRUTAL! Your wording was illmatic bitch! You still have it bitch lol. [felt like rhyming since that's 99% of your piece] showing that the flow and rhymescheme was consistent and kept me happy. I love rhyming, makes me look sexy to read another persons topical outloud and rhyme alot doing so. That way when i girl comes in her to pet my new puppy... their all like 'wow, you're dope. Fuck me!' and I do... while reading the piece over and over and over again.

    Imagery was nice and emotion was straight. It was structred more poetry but came off topical with the content. Nice work Write, Scytsophrenia for life!

  4. #4
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    35
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins

    Re: Thomas Penny

    bumpin please
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  5. #5
    LyRiCaL sHiNoBi Devils_Diamond's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Age
    35
    Posts
    873
    Battle Record
    2-5

    Re: Thomas Penny

    Quote Originally Posted by Ders View Post
    Thomas Penny
    -A cold murder in the night



    Blank my thoughts remain,
    near the border of plain;
    I seem more insane,
    since bland…
    …fell asleep in my veins.

    ok like the "bland fell asleep in your veins" thats Creativeness at its best IMO


    I stay in confinement,
    Feeling lost and blinded;
    generosity- I couldn’t find it

    ok short n simple yet effective n 2 the point. decent

    my emotions react irate.
    My house is a broken prison,
    with visions of bad decisions;
    Guess that’s why I’m so contingent,
    with my heart needing decryption.
    -to be opened

    nice liked the vocab def. nice smooth flow short bars again but very well done

    Upon my death so to say,
    my soul slowly decays;
    My thoughts left in dismay,
    so I let go with no delay.
    I was left for display,
    darkness was here to stay;
    Living every single day,
    a freak with no eyes…
    …whose lost his way.
    So I remain to pray.

    very impressive IMO liked how you arranged the words very carefully

    For anger keeps attacking me,
    pruning happiness drastically;
    Rushing through madness passively,
    from the demons own majesty.

    very intriguing lines keeping me guessing which i like, good vocab again

    My mind easily lies,
    six feet deep with closed eyes;
    Crushed upon lost cries,
    that goes unheard yet is alive.

    unheard yet is alive, i like that very good imagery with your story telling
    .

    .
    .
    The devil had arrived!

    To PULL US
    In his world of shame-
    To SCHOOL US
    In his trinket games-
    To FOOL US
    Into being tamed-
    To RULE US
    As we are his slaves-
    .
    .
    .

    NO!
    “I shall prosper”

    Today is not the day,
    I dig up my own grave;
    My heart is kept safe,
    that no lock could EVER break.

    nice emphasis on EVER seems appropriate, good opening to 2nd verse

    My ideas rained magic,
    never stuck with practic;
    Yet my heart…
    …was wrapped with plastic,
    my life was tragic.
    The measures I took were drastic,
    I was swept by panic;
    and fell asleep on havoc,
    The devil took its pick…
    …whatever he wanted- he could have it


    falling asleep on havoc was very noteworthy IMO, liked how u portray your meaning

    “I had a passion for fashion,
    and a fashion for flashing;
    which only ever happened,
    when I closed my eyes to imagine”


    Flaccid my heart goes,
    on the path I chose;
    Satan finally arose,
    to lock the door behind me…
    …and forever keep it closed.

    ok, not bad,

    Let me apply a visual,
    of how my life was risible;
    And how I have been ridiculed,
    of happiness on broken pedestal.
    My own Petty-Stool

    heh good vocab, like the lil suprise at the end, very smooth
    .

    .
    .
    What a wicked shame,
    a scheme that remains the same;
    A no name…
    …that is not tamed,
    Unleashed of its dying pain.

    mhh first decent bar i've come across on this piece if im correct

    Bent over my pride and joy,
    my emotions felt moist;
    My intentions rigged and poise,
    hushed the little lady…
    …before the racket noise,

    nice like the imagery at the end, really know how to insert it perfectly

    -came along with sorrow
    I only meant to borrow,
    for a few minutes or till tomorrow;

    played vocab and nice attempt on the spin off of how it was used

    I don’t know what came over me
    One moment she’s laughing…
    …next thing you know her heart was hollow.
    which I took with no regret to swallow,
    I knew others would follow.

    ok again seems to me ur falling off the nice fresh thoughts u had above this, seems like ur rushing it

    By the numbers they roared,
    I finally hit the core;
    while my hands…
    …bloodied and sore,
    kept twitching to explore.
    Her beauty along the shore,
    with her heart flapping on the floor;
    What’s this fuckin’ ruckus for
    -I pondered


    heh, very nice ender to that verse IMO, like how u did everything there, shits hella nice
    .
    .
    .
    You’re the one who locked the door,
    wanting some rough sex and more;
    You took the tour,
    All I did was lead…
    …and do the deed as a chore.

    nice flow and vocab, unexplainable imagery


    You broke out all your fantasies,
    I knew you had a plan for me;
    wanting a little space to breathe,
    Hiding all your secrets underneath.

    very nice words chosen, underneath is again impressive words used and potrayed


    -that million dollar smile
    I always fall for a stupid bitch,
    whose after my silly dick;
    Who always seems flip the script,
    On me with some crooked shit!
    but I shut her mouth up really quick.
    -here BITCH take this hit!

    ok

    Before it slapped front page,
    I caged the lies she made;
    But fell more and decayed,
    as anger gave me away.


    very good climax ending, overall this was a good read and a even better topical rhyme, i dont usually critque topicals but your shit is hot fyah son u dont need me to tell u that tho... and if u were serious about the collab idea, just hit me up VIA pm. always room for elevation, stay up keep blessin
    -PRICELESS


    keep doing you man, i like how you do you, very motivational and inspiring work

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Im that supernova Recruit Troopa Soulja,
    Takin out Brutes as Huge as Boulders

  6. #6
    :.Swagger Found.: Uben. Sonned's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Lynn, Mass.
    Age
    35
    Posts
    5,141
    Battle Record
    10-18

    Re: Thomas Penny

    Ders.
    Simply Put This Put Peice Of Your Was Simply Amazing.
    I Can't Wait To Do This Collab With You.
    Your Imagry Was Very Good, Your Rhymescheme Was Good.
    Vocabulary Amazing.
    Overall As You Know.
    This Was Great.
    GoodJob.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    .Major League Gaming.
    XBOX 360 GT: COF Nightmare

  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    35
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins

    Re: Thomas Penny

    thanks guys appreciate it very much.

    and the collab thing word man ill hit you guys in your crew thread
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  8. #8
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    35
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins

    Re: Thomas Penny

    WTF?!

    people DEAD!?

    feed fuckers!
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  9. #9
    :.Swagger Found.: Uben. Sonned's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Lynn, Mass.
    Age
    35
    Posts
    5,141
    Battle Record
    10-18

    Re: Thomas Penny

    This Deserves So Many Replies.
    Why Won't Others Reply TO This.
    This Deserves HOF.
    Has My FULL NOMINATION.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    .Major League Gaming.
    XBOX 360 GT: COF Nightmare

  10. #10
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    35
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins

    Re: Thomas Penny

    ^^Word dude...man for reals
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  11. #11
    :.Swagger Found.: Uben. Sonned's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Lynn, Mass.
    Age
    35
    Posts
    5,141
    Battle Record
    10-18

    Re: Thomas Penny

    I'll Re-read It, And Go Into More Detail In A Minute.
    Just SO Your Aware...

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    .Major League Gaming.
    XBOX 360 GT: COF Nightmare

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Mz Diamond's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    72
    Battle Record
    1-1

    Re: Thomas Penny

    This was sick ass hell fam.... most definatly on point threwout the whole drop... the complexity was madd crazy... and so was the imagery... imagery was fucking sick... you seriously had that down packed you had some realy nice lines in there that stood out ...

    "I was left here foe display,
    Darkness was here to stay;
    Living every single day,
    A freak with no eyes..
    ..whose lost his way
    But remains to pray..."

    ^^ really nice

    You had a real smooth flow... and that was good... your bars were short but complex... and stood out reall good... you stayed consistent throught out the whole drop...and I loved the topic you executed it well... and the enjoyment was good it kept me reading even though it was Madd long lol that just lets you know you caught the readers attn... and you had very detailed description again another plus...

    I mean overall this was sick... eveything was on point you started off strong and you finished strong... 10/10 fam keep writing...
    Open Mic :


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Jeluz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Portland
    Posts
    51

    Re: Thomas Penny

    wow, this had me enthralled for a good minute. nice drop, good good shit for real
    JLS=Jeluz aka JClip

  14. #14
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    In Your Head
    Posts
    26,914
    Battle Record
    242-30
    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion

    Re: Thomas Penny

    this shit was REALLY dope actually... if it aint been nominated then I'm gonna do so after I post this up... but this was actually really beautiful... the whole satan closing the door behind him theme was dope, and then it ends up being about a chick, it twisted really good. and I love how you can use SO MUCH detail and imagrey in your pieces but it is never too much. you make your reads really interesting, I loved this one from you, one of my fav's... good read bro.



    - Nash

Similar Threads

  1. if i had a penny
    By unadored in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: March 30th, 2011, 09:03 AM
  2. Penny For Your Thoughts
    By Ebolorama in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: December 5th, 2008, 01:05 AM
  3. A Penny for a Quarter
    By Spoken in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: May 25th, 2007, 09:33 PM
  4. Penny for my Thoughts
    By P. Mortuus in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: August 11th, 2006, 12:38 PM
  5. Penny Jars
    By fo'trill in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: May 17th, 2006, 10:23 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •