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Thread: Attention Please.

  1. #1
    Soule
    Guest

    Attention Please.

    Attention Please

    Hello class, my name is Jon Dagel, life's aftermath
    I've fucked up my past but my laughter's matched
    to smile or frown, turning denial upside down
    a while of now should be a trial aside from how
    I used to be punk, somebody that would fuck
    only to realize the love I've shook from lust
    something coming from nothing, may be a sign
    like how my brother's mother is paying for pride
    eyes wide and opened, and while she's choking
    life isn't as opened while he's coping
    hoping that one day, my son's afraid
    to be cold, take a soul, a gun's grave
    but who am I?
    To choose any path that isn't mine!
    Through who but myself do I control?
    My thoughts and my cell to patrol.

    Hello world, I'm another human being, with words
    only to pray every day, but seeing this unheard
    a speck of life, to be denied, can cause some pain
    lucky for me that the creed is all but one brain
    I'd rant for protection, but resurrection is sweet
    here I write to write,
    the original exception of the American dream.

    Attention Please!

    If the eyes of a beholder were much colder
    would they find a heart? Or just a shoulder?
    Because even a man needs to cry,
    to justify, or understand free rights.
    Running from conclusions and revolution
    is like punching solutions into evolution!
    Finding forever? Dying never? Hell no,
    eternity and power is what cowards well know.
    Hence why our community went by
    without the smallest immunity in lies.

    Attention!

    Let's take a breather, find a stronger leader
    but, our closest friends are not your dreamers
    so in the end, salvation is still in a calamity
    enemies are enemies, who killed your family
    son and husband went to war,
    not knowing what to fight for.
    So a widow named Liberty decided to rise
    and right there and then, resided to die.

    Attention please, we need a wiser strategy
    our country is hungry for a higher tragedy.

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Attention Please.

    First two people to feed on this will be my links.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! L-Tidus's Avatar
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    Re: Attention Please.

    The 1st paragraph: Attention Please had some good emotion to it. I enjoyed reading this paragraph because the word usage flowed great throughout the paragrah.

    The 2nd paragraph: Attention Please! - I like the rhyme schema & complexity that you used to describe this paragraph. It reinforces the 1st paragraph very well.


    The 3rd Paragraph: Attention! - I thought the 1st two paragraphs were stronger than this one. This one kinda somes up the story by saying that the 'country is higher for more tragedy' and brings the story together..


    Overall, this was a good drop...

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