Only Human

[Jon]

Only Human...
By Jonathon

Nazi's playing Yahtzee on the corner of 52nd & 3rd,
earthquakes shake the hearts of gangbangers around the states...
A million dollar pop-fly sold out for a championship,
moon men making magical walks on the bright night.
Soldiers taking one for the team; as in 'bullets' & 'USA',
elders tell their neverending fairytales; until their story ends...
Newborn nudist that know no better than bottled milk,
& addicts trying to see past it - striving to mask their slips.
Foreign familys fighting for food, finding a mood,
because they know a building near could rupture soon...
For every fear said, tear shed, or year dead -
I want to forgive the world, they're only human...

[Jawn Raw]

this was a cool short little piece. the whole topic idea was pretty cool. the flow was good and the whole poetic feel was pretty much there. the imagery was pretty good, but it could have been strong creativity wise. the word choice wasn't bad, but it wasn't strong like it really could be vocabulary wise you know. overall this was a good piece. though i know you can do better.

rtf here
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-368788.html

[Jon]

thanks man, yeah i'll hit it.

i saw the word yahtzee for the first time in a while, and then i just kinda freestyled this up & it turned out to be a little poem

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...te-368903.html
for you, kthx.






nice piece as well.. second short piece I've seen actually and it turned out quite alright. there was ONE part where the wording was kind've eh to me, like you could've done it better... "they know a building near could rupture soon"... dunno, the placement of the word near just seemed out of place when I read it out loud... but everything else was dope. the bottled milk line, loved that shit. seems sort've comical (the concept) in a way as well... like "hey fuck it right? it's okay if we ruin the world! we're humans!!" lol... sort've made me laugh when I got to the end. but all in all a good read. not bad at all. peace.


- Nash