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Thread: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

  1. #1
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    Just to let yall know:
    Saskatchewan is my province/state
    Saskatchewan is a Indian/Native word that means fast flowing
    Regina is the capital city
    Saskatoon is the largest city, I live in


    The Land of Living Skies

    …In Saskatchewan
    when the autumn hits,
    the streams are "fast flowing,"
    The essence is accepted
    but the burden is denied knowing.
    Everything is dust
    except it’s swiftly fluent,
    the native studies’ is eloquent
    to the gifted student.
    The adolescence is so eager
    to be an older soul,
    school isn’t an option,
    so their anxious to know.
    Curious screaming in anxiety,
    with wonder for my province.
    I scavenge for a sense,
    but its formed an connotation.
    The native people have elevated on this land,
    cause the older it’s age; the greater it’s grand.
    There’s a lot of free space
    for a barn and a void,
    no wonder all these people are
    so darn paranoid.
    There’s a lot of racism,
    but the bigots are profound,
    cause if you’re fat like a cow;
    You’re spotted on the ground.
    Laying in the mud, in the dirt;
    Cause it’s your bath to release.
    All the cattle is relinquished
    and the wrath is a plead.
    So fat like a piece of beef
    with a craving for the paste,
    the ghetto is absurd with hunger
    but it’s ludicrous to taste.
    Regina aint all curling
    Towards a man that’s living lies,
    Cause Saskatoon is roaring
    in The Land of Living Skies.

  2. #2
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Last edited by Jawn Raw; May 23rd, 2008 at 04:28 PM

  3. #3
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    tbh im not a poetry buff, so i wont be commenting on mechanics,
    are you Native?...just wondering cos this has that element,
    i noticed it cos i know it, the idea of belonging, history,wanting
    to discover your own identity in the face of colonisation,
    adding the options up, moving forward cullminating at a point
    of understanding and overcoming the odds ending with a
    sense of empowerment, almost pride...thats how interpreted
    the story as i went along...i dont know how others will
    interpret this, but for me i connected, and thats always dope,
    good read...real talk tends to be, stay up... peace

  4. #4
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    thanks for the feed, and no im not native. i'm french canadian with a native accent because of where i was raised up with, natives. lol

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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    This Was Decent. More Descriptive Than EMotive In My Eyes. Nice Use Of Mettaphors Tho. I Enjoyed The Sense Of Belongin' To Somethin', & Bein' Different Was Weird To The Tribe/Community/Etc. I Want Go To Deep Into The Surface As You Prolly Know Wot You Included, Plus The Other Dude Hit It On The Head I'd Say. Take Care & Keep wRitin' Dude. 7/10

    Oh PS. Can U Return The Feed To On The Face Of Us All?

  6. #6
    Halleluja Soul Slayer's Avatar
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    It seems to me that this has a personal feel for you man.
    It was a good poem simplistic but effective. You got your
    point across very well but i do feel that this piece lacked
    some va va vum IMO.... It was emo and i guess you
    didn't need to make it as tangible as steel but nonetheless
    a job well done. Stay up and keep this forum active.

    Hit me with some feed. Here is the link!!!!!!!!!!
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...te-368724.html

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    Scytsophrenia

    On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.


    [soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]

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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    My bad it took so long Para..haven't been on in a while...but I thought this piece started off with a great feel to it...with the simple wording and a bit of rhyme scheme in the beginning..I thought you had it flowing real well together..the emotion was there but what I particularly liked about this piece..was that it kinda gave the reader a eagle eyed view so to say...with some of your imagery...so overall I felt that was a tad bit original..and basically I enjoyed this piece..so good drop..and wut Is it with you and steaks these days..??lol..

  8. #8
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    ok thanks for the feed, i dont see how scientific thinks this piece is so simplistic cause it's packed of synonyms and such. anyway thanks for the feed everyone, if you wanted me to feed your pieces please leave links ok. keep the feed coming.

  9. #9
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)


  10. #10
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    aight i got that link right now. uppin.

  11. #11
    Guided by Destiny Dreamer22's Avatar
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    not much to say about this one might of been a little better
    if you just left out the info at the beginning just to get people
    to think about what its about and find out for themselves that
    its your town you're talking about or w/e but
    yeah this is good though overall it was
    nothing complex or simple
    it still had a nice feel to it because it was more of a personal piece
    i could see that and i could kind of see where you were coming from not bad 7.5/10
    edit
    hit it if you want
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ty-369349.html
    Last edited by Dreamer22; June 2nd, 2008 at 03:59 PM

  12. #12
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    uuppin

  13. #13
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    Fuck You Bitches Feed My Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. #14
    Laughing at you Know-It-All's Avatar
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-371606.html

    Feed me feed me please

    like dude above me somewhere said this poem feels majorly personal, and you had a lot of emotion with in it. I really loved the metaphors and imagery with in this piece, and I understood what you were talking about which makes this even more enjoyable for me. I probably have told you I have Family in Regina. I really loved this piece and it could be the best that I have read from you. good work para.

    Regina aint all curling
    Towards a man that’s living lies,
    Cause Saskatoon is roaring
    in The Land of Living Skies.
    I really loved the imagery in the ending .

  15. #15
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: The Land of Living Skies (Will RTF)

    thanks man.

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