The Song Of Oceanus

[P. Mortuus]

The Song of Oceanus
Written By,Nyce

Beset by the sea on all sides, cast about by the ocean's white hand,
This is the song of the tides that lives on the lips of the land.
Unmoved of the violent waves, steadfast in the bitter wind,
The soul of the sea in its face, while the restless storms lather and rend.
The bitter white waves descend, savage, resistless, and free.
The struggle with no start and no end, in the fangs of the mouth of the sea.
Like the call of the seabound gull, unrepentant, unchanging, and wise,
Rolls a sound like a heart half-full: omnipresent, insane, and alive.
Through rivers unblemished, unstemmed, runs the blood of the gods of the land.
But the sea is not bound to their whim, nor bound to their treacherous hands.
And in strains not melodic but cruel, in gasps like the pants of a god,
Comes the song of the ocean's white rule, upraised like a tyrant's rod.
It is not to be bound up by kings, nor chained to a mortal throne:
The sea is forever the sea's, unconscious, undying, unknown.

[P. Mortuus]

Links-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...23#post6386423
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...28#post6386428

[P. Mortuus]

Links added now feed please.

[P. Mortuus]

Different to your usual poems that's for sure...shorter and more meatier...had more on it in terms of imagery...descripton was very good...the reason it was good was because the way you described the characterisitcs of the ocean and at times personified them allowed me to visualise the ocean perfectly...so kudos on that. However, though you described the ocean well....this piece seemed too 1 sided...there wasn't that much excitment.....this is understandable though as this wasn't that type of piece....personally I liked it....I found it mellow as sort...though the language and words used were at times opposite of mellow...as the ocean is. Overall, good work. I think I may nominate this...not sure yet will read it again to be sure.

uh, you can check this om out...nothing serious about it just getting back in to the swings of topicals:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...l?goto=newpost

[Ntalek]

I really liked this piece Nyce..as Baron said it had alot more imagery..and more well described imagery..as far as wording and the topic went..I felt that you really held this piece together in terms of the topic/take..you really attacked the piece from the outside in..so to say...Overall I thought this was well executed..and you had some strong lines..to bag up the weaker lines..not even like any were weak though..some lines overpowered some..so good shit nice short to the point..solid execution..RTF when I get a link for you...

[P. Mortuus]

^yup will get to both links.

[Ntalek]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=6390413

here's the link Nyce..thx..

[Jawn Raw]

nyce to see you switchin up the structure man, havent seen it like this from you yet. this was dope as fuck really creative with the imagery, almost my favorite from you, this was just really witty, nice poetic feel. the word choice was prone, i def enjoyed reading this piece though it seemed short, it had a crazy flow to it at the same time. nice drop.

[P. Mortuus]

yeah,I wanted change it up a little.

[P. Mortuus]

More feed please.

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...te-368903.html
for you... thanks








this was pretty dope actually. really short and abrupt, but also thick and full of life as far as imagination. it didn't have a stop-and-go type flow to it, it was nice and smoothe... had a lot of characteristics involving the ocean, I liked that... those last lines were nice and summed up the whole piece into a cool closure.

Like the call of the seabound gull, unrepentant, unchanging, and wise,
Rolls a sound like a heart half-full: omnipresent, insane, and alive.

I liked this a lot... "rolls a sound like a heart half-full" ...that was pretty fuckin' dope wording there. I liked the whole thing, but those two lines were like, BLAMO to me... hit me good. nice job.



- Nash

[Soul Slayer]

I'd like to see more of this from you man. I thought this
poem was dope from the word go and thats what draws
you as a reader. Your imagery was as tangible as steel.
It was a more complete read and had some good
personifications. See long doesn't mean best and this
is clear evidence of that. Great read man. I will Nom this.
Hit this up.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...te-368724.html

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks for the feed and I'll get to all of your links.