User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Chasing Phantoms

  1. #1
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,059
    Battle Record
    2-4

    Chasing Phantoms

    Macabre & Martyr


    Chasing Phantoms

    Salty tears are concealed
    behind the gray apparel
    that coats my cornea,
    My tour guide is blind faith.
    With mouse tactics,
    you slowly creep yourself
    out of my dead fingers reach.
    A pale colour is paint
    that coats your face,
    so you can epitomize stealth.
    Your outer exterior
    is beauty personfied,
    covered with a scent that smells
    like a cup of oceanic air,
    to lure your bait, only so
    you can play catch and release.

    Here's a
    musty crevace, the
    green neons of modern romance
    illuminate two
    men, squabbling over the corner
    of a wallet photograph
    Meaningful words
    are exchanged, the flame of the oil drum
    looks like a skull,
    the alley smells like dead cats
    the night continually knits
    a bottom ocean black quilt
    around me.
    The guy with
    experimental facial hair
    untucks a hooked
    knife from the thin loop on his jacket
    I remember how her hair looked
    like a kite flying in spirit
    she runs towards me like in a movie

  2. #2
    fLAMEDUBBALLERGATZ
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    801
    Battle Record
    1-1

    Re: Chasing Phantoms

    check it! The poets !!!

  3. #3
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    33
    Posts
    5,692
    Battle Record
    35-10
    Awards 25+ Wins

    Re: Chasing Phantoms

    this was a sick drop all around, everything seemed to point with great word choice and creativity. theres nothing bad I could say here, except the first stanza was a lil bit more creative. this deserves hof i think.

    rtf here
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...29-367706.html

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,059
    Battle Record
    2-4

    Re: Chasing Phantoms

    Thanks alot man, I'll get on that link soon.

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,059
    Battle Record
    2-4

    Re: Chasing Phantoms

    Leave linkage.

  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,059
    Battle Record
    2-4

    Re: Chasing Phantoms

    bump

  7. #7
    Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    12,432
    Battle Record
    21-3

    Re: Chasing Phantoms

    well for starters this piece began very strong..
    Salty tears are concealed
    behind the gray apparel
    that coats my cornea,
    My tour guide is blind faith.
    that part just brought me right into the piece..the wording was so smoothly transistioned..it painted this dim picture in my head..so props on that great start..the imagery and wording only seemed to get strong as the first part went on..I mean you had a hell of a way explaining things..or making what you wrote become very vivid..but then when I began to read the second stanza it's like he drifted into the same format as far as wording but wasn't able to execute as well as the first writer..I mean..the second stanza seemed a bit more narrative..but it wasn't bad..it just seemed to kinda through off a bit of the vibe/tempo of the first part..so overall this was a nice collab though..good read..RTF pls...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...oy-368638.html


Similar Threads

  1. Chasing Your Religion
    By ItoldUIwasFat in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: May 27th, 2011, 05:49 PM
  2. Chasing Morals
    By oatmeal in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: November 12th, 2010, 05:25 PM
  3. I've Given Up Chasing The Rabbit
    By Brandon Cee in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: December 22nd, 2008, 12:26 PM
  4. Chasing Phantoms
    By Phoenix. in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: July 9th, 2008, 10:23 PM
  5. SS - Chasing Doves
    By Auspicious in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: September 30th, 2003, 09:05 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •