The Consequence of Choices.

[P. Mortuus]

The Consequence of Choices
Written By, Nyce.

Strutting down the catwalk,
Hips swaying side to side,
The flashing lights of cameras,
Would be her cyanide.

Sheets of silk,
Gowns of lace,
The bloodstains on that pretty face,
She just wanted more and more,
But a nieve girl was all we saw.

Crying tears of salty sorrow,
Cream turning to crimson.
For this girl there's no tomorrow,
Her ignorance what killed her.

"I can help."
A stranger had said.
He came to her house,
ended up in her bed.
When finished with her,
a knife was drawn,
screams echoed through,
from dinner til dawn.

He left her to die,
a smirk now in place.
She looked at him, pleading
"Don't give me that face."
He finally shut her bedroom door,
leaving her bleeding on the floor.

Lying for hours,
pain so intense,
a single tear slides, down a porcelain cheek,
how long til she's found?
A day?
A week?
Blue fades to grey, as night turns to day.
Her body goes cold,
She breathes her last breath.
The consequence of choices,
ended up in her death.

[P. Mortuus]

Links.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...47#post6335347
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/newr...eply&p=6325025

[P. Mortuus]

Links edited in Now feed this.

[Compton.]

First thing's first, what do you mean you know I'm not new? Lawlz.

Now anyway, onto the poem. One key thing I think you did well in this poem was make use of the italics/ bold feature. Sometimes, these simple things can be overlooked, but I think that in this particular poem, you used them well enough to an extent to actually strengthen particular emotions in the poem, which obviously lead in turn to a better poem.

That fault with this I feel is just the concept. Rape isn't exactly a new topic of discussion in poetry is it... However, I feel this was counterbalanced quite well with the overall moral, or message of the poem. I think the title should be changed up a bit, as it kind of takes something away from the poem itself, it kind of states too much of the obvious if you know what I mean. Maybe make it more abstract to make the reader read the poem in the way that you want them to read it. But yeh, morals cool.

Wording seemed pretty crisp, no noticable agitations here...

Last thing, I think it was a bit short and not extensive as it possibly could have been. But maybe that was done to reinforce how fast her life got turned upside down... I actually didn't think of it like that. So anyway...

[ITawAPuddyKat]

This was Ok but the mechanics was good. The best aspect of the piece was the tense emotion and the wording, though I felt the wording could've been better. The approach was to predictable plus there wasn't Much build up to the 'choice' that she made, IMO I think that was the missing piece. You went straight to the point about the raping and killing but you left crumbs on your plate. The Weak Aspect was the concept, too many poems about raping and I've gotten used to it as a reader, unless a poet comes with some good wording and transaction then this could've came out great. Overall though, this was a good piece. Cheers

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-366100.html