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Thread: Another Brick in the Wall.

  1. #1
    Soule
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    Another Brick in the Wall.



    Another brick in the wall...

    [Insert Glare here]

    not caring about the money
    but the reality I can release
    with the dreams of freedom
    and a signature of my name

    withdrawn from a orphanage
    escaping society's struggle
    head shot; gun wound need
    human flesh is only a cover

    shelters of gold caress life
    something’s have no meaning
    forever is a mighty long time
    and the hourglass was broken

    when the morning turns day
    nobody actually has a plan
    just follow other's footsteps
    and speak without thinking

    and when day brings night
    I'm still left sitting; ignored
    lonely, but I do understand
    everyone has their reasons

    it's alright, I can't really exist
    how can anyone be homeless?

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest
    Last edited by Soule; April 16th, 2008 at 07:53 PM

  3. #3
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Another Brick in the Wall.

    Drop links, not Z's.

  4. #4
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    Re: Another Brick in the Wall.

    Nice, take with the concept..you are constantly getting more precise with your wording, n always dabbling with nice ideas within each stanza...the storyline was thorough but yet very poetic....my favorite stanza was ur third one..with the hourglass it was just a nice way of displaying it..etc, overall this was a nice piece, my only thing is that if ur gonna be short with ur words you need to execute proper breaks such as commas n periods...not that its necessary but it will help guide the reader..

    good piece...
    Succeed Without Fear



    Written Voices

  5. #5

    Re: Another Brick in the Wall.

    I felt this was a good piece. However I couldn't really get drawn into this, I'd like more description of who is talking and more about how he feels, it all seemed like some sterotypical homeless guy. I was looking for something that would take him away from that but I didn't find it. Other than that the scene was well described. When you used the description of the hour glass you took me in for a minute and I was into it, but that was the only object that stuck out to me at least. i liked that you used the concept of time being broken, that spoke up for alot

    Nice job here



    I guess it's just that time...............

  6. #6
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Another Brick in the Wall.

    will feed tonight...

  7. #7
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Another Brick in the Wall.

    no, don't feed this one lol.

  8. #8
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Another Brick in the Wall.

    Closed so you'll feed that collab instead lol.

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