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Thread: Lost Love

  1. #1
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Lost Love

    Lost Love
    By: Cry






    "It takes two to tango,
    but it just takes three to break it up."




    It's the moment you lose it...
    your trust betrays you and starts
    to break inside, forgetful for letting love in.
    everything's coming to an end faster
    than the rain pouring from your eyes.
    In this moment you're shattered -
    cutting love down to size.
    through frowning brows you cross
    your arms, pouting like you were five.
    it's time you put some faith in life
    - but time's just passing by.

    Interests are no longer the same, it's
    all a big mistake. maybe not the biggest
    made, but gigantic nonetheless.
    feeling like you're competing for
    second best - A wreckless wreck!
    love is your passion, but also your crime.
    because one is out of reach, and
    the other robs you blind...
    one's threatened when you look at her,
    and the other's easy on the eyes.
    but the one you need doesn't see
    she loves you, and the other doesn't try.
    the girl's love you want is out of reach
    - the other lets hers die.

    Your heart's stopped but it's still beating,
    this phantom floating inside your chest -
    kills deeply... yet it still allows another love
    to clot the open veins. all too beautiful, but
    the feeling of it burns... and the pain for
    hurting the weaker love by leaving,
    is requesting you not to let her soar.
    because the wings she spreads may break
    her chest, and this might break you more.
    do you think forever? or will you risk the heart's
    pain... like saying: "do I make mistakes? or
    maybe I should change things
    from that same old thing..."
    your question aches - and it won't ever stop
    until you figure out how to let love go,
    - without letting her's pop.
    .
    .
    .
    and just think...
    .
    .
    "It's only that much harder,
    when your love's hanging from the string."







    peace.
    Last edited by Cody Nash; April 15th, 2008 at 05:06 AM

  2. #2
    as ain't Jamhuri's Avatar
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    Re: Lost Love

    your second verse brings out reality so exactly it amazes me. ts my fav
    'Love is ur passion, but also ur crime.'
    laws of nature, huh? Nice piece man

  3. #3

    Re: Lost Love

    Reading your poem reminded me of everyday life, but alot of us including me never really stop to think "would this be hurting someone"

    "Your heart's stopped but it's still beating,
    this phantom floating inside your chest -
    kills deeply... "

    Phrases like this expresses the emotion in this peice. You can tell that the "weaker love" is not the only person struggling with heartache.

    Your use of vocabulary and detail really helps in the understanding of feelings in this poem. "requesting you not to let her soar...the wings she spreads may break" shows the weakness in not being able to make it alone.
    "and this might break you more." shows that it's understood, and sometimes we make very difficult decisions.

    The lines in bold at the beginning and the end really brought this poem out. This was really hot. Don't have too much bad to say about it. good job!

  4. #4
    Laughing at you Know-It-All's Avatar
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    Re: Lost Love

    I really enjoyed this piece Cry, I loved the topic and where you took it. It was a emotional roller coaster through out this piece. This piece was very detailed and I really loved the imagery and the vocabulary. Your use of metaphors was intense, I can really feel this piece on a personal level too. This piece reminds me of me and my ex girlfriend. The emotion is the best part of this piece honestly.

    cutting love down to size.
    through frowning brows you cross
    your arms, pouting like you were five.
    it's time you put some faith in life
    - but time's just passing by.
    this part hit close to home for me, I know the feeling way to well. The ending was the best way to end this excellently written story with in this poem. Overall, this was a very well written and detailed poem with excellant imagery and emotion.

    good write

    return the feed please
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...59#post6326959

  5. #5
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Lost Love

    thanks guys... I'll have two links up tonight.
    glad there's no negative feedback. it's what I do.

  6. #6
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Lost Love

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ll-366038.html
    Feed me hoe!



    The piece was really good, so good I am going to nominate it's sexyness once I feed the fat bitch. Your wording is really nice dude. I love how you tell a story with your pieces compared to how I just use massive amounts of imagery lol. You're a story teller dude, some nice shit. Imagery was really visual in this man, you had tons of vivid descriptives everywhere and it feed my hunger even further. Emotion was great man, really felt it. Original concept, keep up the good sex. Nom'd.

  7. #7
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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  8. #8
    Soule
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    Re: Lost Love

    fuck that link I left lol.. read my pm.

  9. #9
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Lost Love

    more feed thanks...

  10. #10
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    Re: Lost Love

    This piece had great emotion..the topic,take,concept were all executed to full potential..I really dug the realism of this poem...the second stanza was so fucking truthful...but the entire thing just read so well...you stayed on point throughout..and after reading the piece then looking at the pic...it really turned out doper than I thought it woud...you didn't use any OTT vocab..every thing was nice and relateable..so props on that..and overall I just thought this was a great read...maybe even worth a NOM..and could you RTF pls...

  11. #11
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Lost Love

    Get that second link dude.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  12. #12
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Lost Love

    done...

  13. #13
    Respect the shooter Orc's Avatar
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    Re: Lost Love

    everything's coming to an end faster
    than the rain pouring from your eyes.
    I liked the this line, it was a nice touch. Nice way to start off the poem. No qualms with wording yet. I didn't really like the repetition of wreckless wreck, I think it added some harshness to an otherwise soft spoken stanza. On a less precise level; the emotion in the poem was good, you had some good similes and images scattered throughout. You conveyed the anguish nicely in the final stanza. I mean, the poem itself was decent..but because of personal experiences, it was dope to ME, personally. So yeah, keep writing man. This was much better than your IE poem.

    RTF on my Silent Mute piece.
    LOL

  14. #14
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Lost Love

    Beautiful piece man, and so true to life, the ammount of times i've seen guys and girls go through this same dilema as you explained in this piece, and the way you described it was so simple, no pretentious lines that would suggest you're going over the top and breakign the reality side of it which i was kind fo expecting you to do as i know your style and you always fuck up somewhere lol... but here you didn't to be honest, i really got into it and i even read it over a few more times out of respect for getting the correct image and gaining the exact emotion that you would have wanted me to feel reading th piece. I actually get the feeling this piece MAY have been personal but i wouldn't be so bold to say it was personal lol
    my only bicker with the piece, and this is only literally a small nit picking moan lol... is that i would have liked the piece to be left at "without letting hers pop"... to me that would have been perfect but the other last lines just didnt sit well with me, it was just uneasy. Real nice piece man, excellent stuff.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  15. #15
    Whatever, Fuck You HighEngineChief's Avatar
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    Re: Lost Love

    And another dope piece from you, the language was refreshingly simple, not abstract and pointless like alot of dumb shit I read around here. I love the ending first off, the way you brought the piece around to emphasis the pic was dope and left a nice slice of closure for me to sink my teeth into. The rhyme scheme was cool, you didn't overdo it and let it be the background of the piece, protruding out the content and message. Not the most creative topic but a very creative take on it. Nice shit - go head, you can Cry now

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