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Thread: Love Song

  1. #1
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Love Song

    Love Song

    It’s…
    the passion that’s splattered in colorful patterns
    the craft of an angel whose work is expanded
    into unknown fathoms, you’ll know when it happens
    but it will never be candid, and will only end badly…


    First look and I lost it, the smile only told half the story,
    God I wish it was the ending, would have saved me so
    much time. The perfect teeth with the slight head cock
    to the left, yeah you know exactly what you’re doing,
    bitch, the way you shook my hand, and the goodbye at
    the end of the night with the light hug and peck on the
    cheek, the second meeting was the same, you told me
    that I was all you thought about, which made me realize,
    I needed a drink, left you standing there confused…

    I can’t show interest.

    No weakness, no emotion, been there before and I
    will never go back.

    This is the thought process of all the things that
    whirl through my head as you approach, open
    the door to shouts of greetings…eye contact…
    So much to say but all I can muster is a
    “Hey”
    and a nervous smile, with my head cocked a bit
    to the left.
    A few achievements here and there

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  2. #2
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Re: Love Song

    Link1
    Link2
    A few achievements here and there

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  3. #3
    Poetic Mind Standard Issue's Avatar
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    Re: Love Song

    Yo, I really dig the ending of this piece. Coming full circle back to that really strong image at the beginning works well. I also like how it doesn't answer any questions, but brings it to a smooth close. This is the shit they teach you in classes. Try to wrap it up so that it isn't clean, but still smooth.

    I think maybe line breaks could play a bit bigger part in this poem. It really is a good piece, but if you broke those lines to add to momentum and rhythm, it would be FIRE. Real nice.
    "Dying Is An Art"
    -Sylvia Plath

    Not really. Save the song
    the sickle sings, we expire the same: lights out.
    -- Ross Gay, "Dying Is An Art"


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