Family Spot

[Stryk9]

Family spot



Miles of grit and cliff-rail
road along the azure sill
of lake. The deep spine of dirt
to our oval of winter-browned grass. Staggered
clusters of romaine, and a rust-hued yurt
sits on its frame. Tents hedge
the creek and its pale summer pulse
on the backs of pebbles.
Lamped over our heads, the sun
softens watermelon wheels,
and soccer flows
over the tumored pitch. Aspens tremble
the chorus, a million birds’ wings
sewn to their branches.


Something short from my workshop.

[LedgenZ]

I'll be honest, this sort of poetry really isn't my cup of tea. It just seems like something my Mom and her 40 year old friends would sit around and discuss over a batch of oat meal cookies. However, just because I don't necessary feel drawn to the content doesn't mean I'm foolish enough to dismiss the skill it took to write it. It's obvious you understand the ins-and-outs of this poetry thing, because your command of the English language in poetic form is quite strong. You have a very subtle way of describing things. It seems soft in tone, but perfect for the sort of images you try to create. Likewise, I think your structure played a huge roll in this piece being a success. The way you positioned your words and began ideas at the end of some lines added a lot of emphasis and power to what you were trying to express.

Anyway, I haven't take a workshop in years and my lingo is a bit rusty, so forgive me if my terminology makes me look foolish. In short, just know that I liked what I saw here -- even if the content wasn't what I'm usually keen on. Still though, good job!