Playing Politics. [Untitled ENT.]

[Shard.]

Playing Politics
Shard And Nyce



Legislation breeds contempt,
You do not have the heart to lead.
"For the people" is your cry,
You cannot tell me how to bleed.

Red ink flows from these veins;
the brink of failure is at stake.
society can and will die in vain,
while humanity just piles over.

Blasphemer saint, you devil's heir,
You shall not tell me to obey.
Dear heart of ice and soul of mud,
You cannot curse your guilt away.

But I have, and to hell I'm glad,
nothing is worth this power I seal.
Hours of mentality outside rehab,
pain among pleasure; what am I?

You fell from Heaven to sordid sand,
Bombed the wastes with jagged glass,
Now turn your eyes from those who die to
Grab the infernal ring of brass.

Red mist across fields of forgotten dreams,
lost souls who fold their lives up like origami.
grass is no longer green, politic-like screams;
solitude happiness is forever buried in our soil.

Black the heart and dead inside
That leads us on to futile sin.
Cheapen life with every year
Campaigning comes before the men.

Elect the dead man as our leader,
watch as he kills our beloved country.
Assassination attempts miss by meters,
looks like we can never be saved.

You stand on pillars of broken stone,
We are not yours to question why.
We shall not stand for this facade,
You will not tell us when to die.

[Shard.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-365674.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...de-365033.html

[Shard.]

drop links, not Z's.

[Truth Iscariot]

Thats one graphic ass pic, but anywayz this was really good not you absolute best but still Good, you had very nice word usage "Blasphemer Saint" <<< i love that, the story went with the pic good but it could have been a bit better, But you had some pretty nice imagery, Along with with flow making it an easy, dope read.

[Soule]

[it's a collab]

nyce and myself.. not just me.

[Truth Iscariot]

hmmm, lol that explains alot.

[Truth Iscariot]

Well that being said you couldn't tell it from reading, so you guys kept up with each other pretty well, and the Transition for each of your stanzas was real smooth

[Brandon Cee]

Shard was outshined in this piece by Nyce. I feel that Nyce had such a solid emphasis in every line, while Shard just kept consistently sound. I found it all to go well together though, which is a good thing and most importantly, you didn't try to switch topics...it was on point. I liked this drop, but like I said, Nyce outdid Shard a tad here. Nice drop cats.

[Soule]

duh.

[Compton.]

The rhymescheme caught my attention nicely here - the whole Shard rhymes 2, 4, while Nyce rhymes 1, 3. That was the first thing that caught my eyes, nice organisation on your stanzas and such... Each flowed onto the next really nicely, and even looked the same on paper which would have made it really hard to tell apart who was who without the italics, nice.

Now criticisms, because I'm really tired... Shard, your wording seemed a bit off at times and it seemed as though you was cutting words out just to try and make the stanza look prettier on the page... Here's a hint. Don't alter the meaning of a line, just to try and fit a structure. Instead, rethink about the meaning of the line. The words themselves are more important than the length of the line see....

That is all.