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Thread: There He Is!

  1. #1
    Soule
    Guest

    There He Is!

    There He Is!
    Written by Pique


    Every step I take; every move I make
    someone seems to be following the leader
    a guy with no face, behind me by a meter
    and he seems to be right inside my head.

    People appear to gaze at me,
    with worry written on their facial expression.


    It's okay, I know exactly what I'll do
    I'm going to catch this guy off guard
    which is hard, because in the dark
    the stranger disappears into thin air.

    I called someone ugly today,
    they told me to go and buy a mirror.


    This person must have been a born genius
    because after I finally got the mirror to stand
    my stalker appeared with a hammer in his hand
    our eyes met and with one swift move.. *SHATTER*

    Nine out of ten doctors have called me insane
    it's sad that only one doctor can see the REAL me.


    With the mirror destroyed, I clean up the mess
    I walk to the window for some needed fresh air
    and there he stands, taunting with a cold stare
    deciding to end it; I run and tackle the intruder.

    Falling down the multiple stories of my apartment
    flashbacks begin to fly by my feebleminded eyes.


    My father told me once about a reflection
    mother said that it would show me a man
    grandpa told me it was one of God's plans
    to trick people; though it'd only be myself.

    I guess that one doctor must've been crazy
    oh wait! I should've paid more attention..

    that was also me.
    Last edited by Soule; April 10th, 2008 at 07:49 PM

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest
    Last edited by Soule; April 10th, 2008 at 08:04 PM

  3. #3
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    May 2006
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    35
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    Re: There He Is!

    Alright,

    first of all the negative....basically it was a typical scytzo concept, and the twist at the end wasnt really a twist more of a rash way of ending it quick..which was blah..but...

    the postitive is that i actually thought your ideas for most of the piece where kind of dope...to me the ideas and approach where better than the execution of the wording but since this is postive disregard that lol...mostly the whole idea of you portraying him as clearly sctyzo yet leaving himself unable to find it out..kind of suspensful and made the overall used plot much better imo...it still was a mediocre drop, but it had hints of dopeness within the ideas..which is a good sign.

    keep ups..

    rtf.
    Succeed Without Fear



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