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Thread: Rondeau of Lonely Clockwork

  1. #1
    Whatever, Fuck You HighEngineChief's Avatar
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    Rondeau of Lonely Clockwork

    Rondeau of Lonely Clockwork

    The swirling hands, mocking brevity
    Pointing out numbers of darkened ebony
    My dreams crash against it's changing face
    Cruel invention, watching life run in place
    - Pushing on toward the end of me -

    Gears eat the minutes with metal teeth
    Seconds stomping circles with dreadful feet
    As my dying hope lays in wait --
    Damn, damn those swirling hands

    Draining the days from petaled trees
    My heart's dried out and never bleeds
    Grasping my soul to save it's grace
    But alas, even it escapes --
    Damn, damn those swirling hands

  2. #2
    Respect the shooter Orc's Avatar
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    Re: Rondeau of Lonely Clockwork

    This was nice man, the second stanza was my favourite as I felt your imagery was most vivid in this one. The emotion was best in the final stanza, I was feeling it. The wording overall was cool, a little shaky at times though man, like the last line could have been worded a little better, imo. The overall drop was cool though, stay up and keep writing my man.

    Hit this if you have a second; http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ul-365197.html
    LOL

  3. #3
    rockNroll Märtyr's Avatar
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    Re: Rondeau of Lonely Clockwork

    Good piece, I like the running in place line. I felt it was fluent, which everyone says, but I point it out where it's due. I honestly can't find many complaints with this piece, other than it's slightly abstract, wether you meant it to be or not. Good peice, and thanks for the feed on burd & I's piece!

  4. #4
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Rondeau of Lonely Clockwork

    2 links needed.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

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