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Thread: Fountain of Youth

  1. #1
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Fountain of Youth

    Fountain of Youth
    By Jonathon

    *this may be a little personal - so; read and enjoy*


    Fatherless; the stork flew me to step
    dad's never saw me as the 'son' type.
    I lie - not on beds, but just to get by;
    tears leave streets on my paved face.
    Words thrown at rock-like speeds -
    trying to break bones & shatter souls;
    yet it's my mothers soul I try to kill,
    I'm just a monster arguing with elders.
    My ex never went through the X & O's,
    she'd rather see me with nothing
    less than holes...

    water trickles down, like years of tears:

    Reduce me to happiness; please!
    I've never reached that low point in life,
    every smile is scripted;
    I'm a walking book with a damaged cover.
    It seems as if I'm losing every battle
    in this war of life; I'm wounded...
    Hurt, so I swallow candy for pain -
    inhale Satan’s white smoke;
    a rotten cigarette.
    Tokens of money are low; so I make
    a half-time substitution with bottle caps.

    puddles form until I overflow:

    I'm an accident - not meant to be?
    Like a broken LifeStyle,
    Trojan would've saved me...
    Disease infected; I'm lazy & worthless,
    flames rise to the occasion upon the occasions...
    Call me ole' faithful - I'm sure to explode
    because the doctors claim that I'm bi at the poles.

    Caution: Wet Floor!

    Fountain of youth? Or puddle of memories -
    my family detaches me; I'm negative energy.
    I understand; as the underdog, I stand under
    it all - but I'm tired of words crashing like thunder.
    I want to be a light, not lightning in life -
    grow up, be successful & find me a wife...
    When the timing is right; I know it'll get better -
    but through all these hard times; my skin's like leather.
    I'm now tough - as a child... Yet I'm already grown
    I'm a teenager with a 40 year olds value to what I own.
    remove it; change it - & clean it.

    Drama is left in the past - I want this year to last
    I'm ready for change; so change me or give me a mask!
    I've been to hell and stuff; cut me some slack -
    your burden is getting heavy; so get off my back.
    Release all my pain - stimulating my brain;
    so I'm no longer confused; a little more sane...

    its time for a new fountain...

    Words won't affect my future -
    drugs can't tell me when to do em'...
    Parents will always stress me,
    yet I know I can get through it...
    In this cold case with a young mind,
    I've found my own suture,
    & that’s a new beginning - a new me.
    Mother nature’s newest make-over;
    so watch my old body while I take over...

    In later years, I'm found singing Happy Birthday to myself;
    with a happier face - less stress & my life in a better place.
    I don't need people; I don't need anything other than,
    me, myself, & I.
    The new, 3 most dependable people I've just met.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  2. #2
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: Fountain of Youth

    i'll get links sooner or later.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  3. #3
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Artificial.Intelligence

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  4. #4
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Artificial.Intelligence

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  5. #5
    Respect the shooter Orc's Avatar
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    Re: Fountain of Youth

    Yeah, to be honest it doesn't quite feel right pointing out any flaws that I personally think this piece has..as it was wrote on a personal level, like, this is the kind of piece you write for YOURSELF..not for anybody else..and because of this, I grappled with my opinions on it. Like, there were some wording issues, but on the other hand the emotion literally blew me away, really great shit! Your imagery was also great. Your vocab was cool, nothing too over the top or anything. The red parts got a little annoying but I see what you were trying to do man. Overall this was a great poem, and I hope YOU enjoy it.

    RTF..
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...th-365480.html
    LOL

  6. #6
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: Fountain of Youth

    shit, wasn't for my enjoyment..

    it was a freestyle, just to vent.

    but yeah, i feel loads better, most of the shit's fixed...
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  7. #7
    Respect the shooter Orc's Avatar
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    Re: Fountain of Youth

    Yeah, I meant enjoy letting your feelings out.. lol.
    LOL

  8. #8
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: Fountain of Youth

    IIIIIIiiiiiiII get slept on.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  9. #9
    Soule
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    Re: Fountain of Youth

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=6316997
    Hit that up for me will ya? Thanks dude.


    Nom'd. Enough said, I am 100% sorry about what happened dude. And I am not going to nominate this due to sympathy or pity. I'm nominating it because it's a deserving piece. Your wording was fucking beautiful dude, you really knew where and how every word was suppose to go.. keeping a head on syllable use. Your flow was really smooth in this read man, came off the tongue very cleanly. Imagery was very visual from start to finish, with loads of vivid descriptions. And ofcourse, your emotion was masterful dude. Made me nearly shed a tear. Couldn't even see myself in such a position. Keep strong bro, keep writing.

  10. #10
    Respect the shooter Orc's Avatar
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    Re: Fountain of Youth

    Rtf!!! xX

    No homo.
    LOL

  11. #11
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: Fountain of Youth

    up...
    i will soon
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  12. #12

    Re: Fountain of Youth

    Wow, first of all I'm so sorry about everything that happened. This poem really hit home and made me feel like i was looking at everything from your perspective. This Your words were very descriptive and the poem flowed very smoothly. Like you said this poem was very personal and i feel like i could connect with your emotions throughout the poem with phrases such as "tears leave streets on my paved face" and also when you refer to your self as a monster. It allowed me to see a self reflection on how you were feeling. I also like how the poem moved from negative tone to a more positive one, as if you'd found a resolution. Hope this really helped you to vent and get alot off of your chest.

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