America Who?

[Brandon Cee]

I'm a star in my own right; held
captive as a warranted snapshot
in a world so corporate - free will
couldn't begin to describe it.

Sink into the climate; weather
or not you want it, rain comes down upon
us on a day when we only expect rays
of light - darkness holds a nameless figure.

The tamest vigor blossoms vital signs
of youth within 2 men and a siren
in an epic battle to rule the Hell we
are "free" from as it poses "all relative".

Embellished wishes form a mock trial
in the court room where a sealed fate
rests in OUR hands to create conspiracy
behind the hazel eyes of white men.

My teeth cringe as I grab a glass
and pour a shot of whiskey to
calm my nerves; the system
is creating bodily injuries at sea.

So often we miss the pleas and
add an E to pretend the world is at
your feet bowing, yet the anarchist
movements still exist as your flag burns.

What's in a society if nothing good
is neither in nor out of it in the first or
even the last place? It's a cyclical
metaphor - imprisonment is not optional.

The walk is tough, but one step at a
time will put you light years ahead of any
half-wit running it's mouth before
it's gears - a child always sits in office.

I'm a slave to alterior motives - a
man of ambition, who faces nothing,
but lies is a man worth fighting
against, not for. I bleed red.

Where does your integrity lie - or better yet...why does it?

[Brandon Cee]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...de-365033.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-365213.html

[Visionary]

this was decent man. a little sporadic in some areas that made the thought you were trying to portray not quite coherent. the rhyming from the last line of the previous stanza to the first line of the next made it flow well, without that it would've been mad choppy. some good word play throughout and nice satirical commentary. there were some lines that just didn't fit, or were off to be honest, like the whole a child sits in office killed some of the images you had going and didn't mesh well no what i'm sayin? the last line in red was dope though, love how you twisted that.

now hit up my piece

[Mono]

I liked roughly two concepts in this piece, the entire thing wasn't executed how I thought it would be, it turned out a lot different and less "of the whole" then I figured. "Imprisonment is Not Optional" and "A man worth fighting against" were the real keys in here . And that's how I leave feedback, fuck your rhyme scheme, poet.

later.

edit:

overall I enjoyed this piece. so, obviously no hate in my feedback.