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Thread: "Inhale"

  1. #1
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    "Inhale"

    Verse 1- Nyce
    Verse 2- Ntalek
    Verse 3 - Brandon Cee



    Grandeza Collective
    "Inhale"

    I inhaled sensitively.
    A sudden sting shook me into a deeper frenzy.
    It felt as if every pain in the world was flushing into my veins;
    like it was releasing poison into me.
    It started down my arms;
    the shooting pains slicing downward,
    then upward in a slow, intrigued motion.
    Now I was hugging myself,
    nails digging into the upper part of my arm.

    Gripping my soul, holding on in desperation.
    Inhaling hate as I exhale more hatred.
    my once naked soul now covered in wrongs.
    the right to write clench's the pen in my
    sweaty palms. I strike the paper with pain.
    The pen drip's death silently. Whispering
    love over carved tree's. My moment of
    despair is at wit's end.

    Take a second to think - breathe
    toxins in; mixed with a pale face
    of the moon, die slow under a tree.
    Paper and pad are pending to find
    order within a paper mache costume
    as ink spills over their heads as if to
    annoint a priest or king in various
    ways and shapes. Direction is not
    optional in this fortress of Legends,
    comprised of North, East, South
    and West...while it was won with guns
    it was suppressed by silenced company
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  2. #2
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Last edited by P. Mortuus; April 6th, 2008 at 08:33 PM
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  3. #3
    I'm On Everything Brandon Cee's Avatar
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    Legendary Song - Winter Snow



  4. #4
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: "Inhale"

    ^thanks brandon.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  5. #5
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: "Inhale"

    okay i was interrupted when i first decided to read this but now that i finished it, this was really dope, the story was beautiful, the poetic bar in colabs was definitely raised for a bit each Stanza meshed well with the last one, and i think this was the best example of fine teamwork I've read in PS this YEAR. the story by itself left me in awe, because I've been trying to do something similar to it myself but it never comes out right.

    Worth a nom for sure.

    AI

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  6. #6
    Soule
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    Re: "Inhale"

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-365213.html
    Return the favor gentlemen.



    Nyce, your wording seemed to be repeating here and there.. like you were describing the same thing over and over again just with different words and metaphores. Kind of bored me But your imagery shown here man, really had some cool visuals. It's just how you took it.. kind of brought my smile to a grin. Could've done so much more.. don't know man. It seemed repeative.

    Nsight, I didn't see how your verse went with Nyce's at all man. His was like about a addiction of somesort.. at least that is what I saw. But your's what about writing or wanting to write.. someshit like that. I don't know. Didn't mash all that well. Your verse was a little better written in my opinion then Nyce's.. wording was a bit more there. Flowed better and wasn't as boring. Dragged me in more, but it bugged me you had nothing to do with the previous verse. Ya know?

    Brandon, I liked that you meshed with Nsight. Really thought your verse was the heart of this piece dude. Wording was really nice and flowed well. Imagery was dope, some ill visuals and meta's. And I loved it.


    In the end, I thought that Nyce had a nice into. Appeared to have very little to do with the other two verses and the wording repeated it seems. But the imagery was dope. And that's what brought me in a bit. Then Nsight came with a dope verse of his own. Nice wording and flow, with some decent imagery.. Cool emotion man. And ending it was the homerun. The touchdown. The winning score, the verse that brought me in for the prize catch. Brandon filled my hunger, and had the dopest piece of pie. Nom'd

  7. #7
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: "Inhale"

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...de-365033.html
    ^hit it, it'll make your mothers cry.



    dunno, weird piece... I liked it... and I dunno if this was suppose to seem like 3 different pieces meshed together forming the same point, or if it was all meant to be one big story... but I got 3 different things out of it... I really did enjoy the read though... not bad at all. it was pretty easy to get into and flowed pretty smoothely. to be honest, the 2nd verse seemed it'd be more like a brandon cee verse to me. you didn't write with your usual style here imo. it seems different for some reason and that 2nd verse seemed a lot more your style of things. but all 3 verses were equally dope which made for a lot better read than anticipated. it's hard to get 3 or more people to work well together, but with grandeza it doesn't seem to be an issue. good read.



    - Nash

  8. #8
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: "Inhale"

    I liked this it was easily read and was worth a read in the end...Nyce your part was well put an dyour own wording and emotion behind it all is and was just superb man... really i see a change in your style and homie im lovin' it man... this was a great put up and was done. Brandon i see you gettin more on your sensitive side man and i must say im impressed with each poem and or OM i read from you man cause you seem to be more of the story now and last of all Ntalek the one that was a runner up in thinkin was good...(which in the end i know is good) whats up man... nice change of style aswell but i see no real push in this but it felt as if you had an idea that went on and on and you didnt want it to stop but since it was a collab you had to...lmfao anyways nice drop guys and great work...its good to be back for a short period of time AGAIN!lmfao


    Pz.
    check my new poems out.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  9. #9
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    Re: "Inhale"

    appreciated ups.

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