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Thread: Waiting. . .

  1. #1
    Soule
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    Waiting. . .

    Waiting. . .
    Written By: Pique

    Waiting for this life to show meaning.

    Whips similar to lightening strikes
    on these knees for my punishment
    simply waiting out life and the likes
    until welts bring me some judgment.

    Land's of blue and green decease
    as humanity begins it's final chapter
    I stand tall beyond this falling breed
    fighting for a world worth chasing after.


    The corn fields are no longer gold
    rain made gashing holes in the soil
    children must work out in the cold
    and mothers burn until water boils.

    My hourglass is running low on sand
    fields of dreams are finally dead
    I scan over this planet with a plan
    to listen among my children's dread.


    Splinters in my fingers and sweat dries
    flakes fall from my skin and my hair burns
    the sunlight forms a torch onto my eyes
    and the sky causes my stomach to turn.

    Waiting for this life to show meaning.

    I've made the decision to cut off misery
    by drowning the world; guess I listened
    so by restarting mythological history
    I've murdered Earth, flooding the system.


    The weather seems to change rapidly
    storms have been causing mild fires
    as my family and I pray against apathy
    we see the end wash by like our desires.

    Done waiting for God to acknowledge our wishes.








    God = Italic
    Slave = Normal

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest
    Last edited by Soule; April 6th, 2008 at 08:43 PM

  3. #3
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Waiting. . .

    Bumps

  4. #4
    I'm On Everything Brandon Cee's Avatar
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    Re: Waiting. . .

    I had read this earlier, wtf at me not feeding and then you reminding me. I liked this, thought it's not better than what you've been dropping, but consistent enough to make it a sound piece. I thought you missed a bit of detail in the piece and it lost value for me. Keep on dropping. Peace.
    Legendary Song - Winter Snow



  5. #5
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Waiting. . .

    Thanks

  6. #6
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Waiting. . .

    nice read dude....i still get shocked at times by your wording which i still feel you need to anti up a bit more bruh...but your flow and emotion and your sense of creativity is there dude... i feel like something is just in your way or blovking you cause when i read a piece of yours its that short of a GREAT read ya know... dude you have solid readsd but the effort of talent in it and shown progression sometimes lacks but here this piece here is a great piece in my eyes...though im no huge fan of POEMS rhyming all the way through this was a keeper man... nice job but take my advice and figure what you need to explode on man... you have the skill just needs a push
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  7. #7
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Waiting. . .

    I agree, thanks bruh.

  8. #8
    Expression Is Everything XM's Avatar
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    Re: Waiting. . .

    Ehh, I didn't really like this at all. First shit I've read from you and I wasn't impressed at all. Your flow was very choppy and you lacked creativity the whole way through. I think you should have used more multis and metaphors to make your verse sound like ab0ve's. No hate. of course.
    Where the fuck was I fore they found me?
    Floatn in a meadow, dragonflies all around me
    Seeded in a ghetto, smokin cigarellos
    Stress oceans try to drown me
    Walking on water like when Christ did, glidin
    Mic in my plam like the trident in the hand of Poseidon

  9. #9
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Waiting. . .

    Ummmm, thanks.

  10. #10
    Respect the shooter Orc's Avatar
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    Re: Waiting. . .

    The bolded parts were coo. You chose those sentences well. The overall wording was decent, I can tell you're trying to improve in that area, man. And you are. The emotion was nice, there was also a good sense of occasion conveyed, imo. Overall a good drop, I see you silencing the doubters - keep it up.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ul-365197.html

    RTF.
    LOL

  11. #11
    Banned
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    Re: Waiting. . .


    Well I think this drop was aiight but it felt like there was something missing in the content..IMO...idk it just felt incomplete..your emotion and wording were both cool..and the story was aiight as far as originality..but in the end I got nothing out of this piece but a read...you didn't really have any standout points through out...but you did have some very dope imagery.....so overall this was a cool read..I just felt it was missing something...

  12. #12
    rockNroll Märtyr's Avatar
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    Re: Waiting. . .

    Good piece bro. I felt your wording was fine, it made for a more casual, fluent read. I like the transitional talking between god and the slave. I really can't find any major gripes, so I'm going to leave with good piece and hit this up.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...th-365480.html

  13. #13
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Waiting. . .

    will hit links when i get home.

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