Fountain Of Youth

[Soul Slayer]

Fountain Of Youth
By: Scientific aka Wawa D



There she lay motionless
yenning to be discovered
Like a note that was worthless
caught in a predicament
but no one could hear
her silent cry, that
diffused into thin air.
Why does she do this?
.
Why Melody?
.
Melody you are young
laced by resounding beauty
you possess sexual prowess
keeping me hostage to
my own imagination.
When you explore my crusty
lips with the tip of your tongue.
Releasing microscopic pigments
that race through my body
with a rush of ecstasy
.
Ooh but today
.
I refuse to turn a blind eye
At last i can see the real you
selfish and irresponsible you are!
You call this enjoying your youth?
Peer pressure must be blinding
you from the actual truth.
.
You better listen
.

You will listen and stop this
nonsense at once. Do you
hear what I'm saying?

Every sip you take
Impairs your ability
of physical judgment
armoring you with thoughts
that are mostly fake.
Its sad, isn't it?
You lose all your beauty
age quicker than a wilting flower
Harsh? I'm very much aware.
But its inevitable
when you drown your soul
in the fountain of youth
Cause every drop of alcohol
brings you closer to hell
yet you consume it
and hope to be labeled cool
but prove to be a fool
.
.
.
Its time you preserved
your precious youth
Abstain from that fountain
of uncleanliness

[Soul Slayer]

Here are them links.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...de-365033.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-359743.html

[Neruda II]

I like almost all of this poem except for the last stanza. The whole "labeled as cool" seems a bit out of place with the rest of the language. I rather like the tone of this, I think you should've explored your emotions a bit further and really made this more personal. I think this subject has a lot of untapped feeling to it for you. I like this because it seems very real and honest to you, far from the magic of imagery but the message is clear. I like your tone, you make reading a piece easy.