Statues and Bananas

[Brandon Cee]

A lust for fresh air, leaves
me with nothing, but carbon
as I die slow from the scent
of an intoxicating death bed.
Paperback memories sit fixated
upon a dawn of cardboard -
laced in the conjoined effort of
Lucy and Mary as I fly freely.
Time kills me in more ways than
fathomed by clocks in an hour
of darkness where light blinds me
and binds me to confined quarters
such as a chair or an imaginary
state of body and mind.
Gray sets on yellow and the feel
of mush is more orgasmic than once
thought - especially in an age that
shows sexual urge as a "getaway"
from a previously escaped un-truth.
I'm done with a stationary lifestyle
and I'd smile, but there's nothing
that can make me happy without my
love encased in the arms I seem to have
dropped as it was all for nothing.
So again I ask for fresh air, entwined with
spirit and body alike as I let go of hatred
in it's proud and true - ghastly form and
I'll reform to my natural looks as well as
soul once this mind is fed a bit more
with the food for thought that's left-over.

I'm a statue...move me.

[Brandon Cee]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...gs-364671.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ns-364073.html

[Alluminati]

I liked it, well written, very nice flow to it and i liked the concept you took on the topic very much. Thought you had some solid emotion and your wording was very nice. Overall a very solid piece. Thanks for the read.

[Ntalek]

damn B.

I didn't know you did poetry..I enjoyed the flow of this piece...you were very fluent with your word choice..the emotion and imagery worked hand and hand in this...the overall topic was nicely executed..so good job on dat..and thx for the read and RTF pls.

[P. Mortuus]

Wow at Brandon Cee writing poetry IJL is just taking over every aspects of this site I guess.This piece here was very strong in the areas needed when it comes to poetry if you keep writing your going in the right direction my dude.You inserted some nice strong Emotion,you made me feel what your was writing a tad bit in poetry IMO this is the biggest concern my dude expand on putting your feels in your shit a tad bit more.Imagery wise you had,you paint me some what a picture as I read.On top of everything else you brought some of your OM skills to the PS forum you had a nice story,along with a flow that really doesn't matter when it comes to poetry so all in all this was one nice ass drop for only reading one poetry piece from you.Join I.E oh and please rtf by voting on the TBFL Poetry champ match its a very good one IMO.

[Märtyr]

I'm actually quite impressed with you on this. I'm surprised by the poetic devices you, the few their were, that you scattered out through the piece, so obviously you've paid attenion in writing classes. I think if you stuck with it and wrote little 10-15 line poems, when an imaginative idea enters your head, and you can phrase in your head to where it interests you, you'd become an elitist on this site, honestly I am that impressed, maybe it's because this is the first poem I have read from you, and probally the first piece of writing, but nonetheless, I have a gut feeling about this piece that I can't really seem to fathom in words, it's not that im THAT blown away by it, but more the fact that it's creative, and highly entertaining. Well, wait, I just did lol. Anyway, I've seemed to have got caught up in a rambling mind state, so onto the actual piece itself, you had good descriptions, but you could have chosen better, more entertaining, though-provking, imagery entitled words. In the double similie towards the middle I believe you could revise it to make it flow more smoothly, but those are only minor gripes, nothing that really affects this poem. Also, your use of enjambment, although at times was placed correctly, I believe stanza breaks would have better fit this poem. Anyway, nonetheless, this was a good poem, I enjoyed it. Cheers!

[Brandon Cee]

thanks all of you for returning feed. leave links if you want, for those who feed me first.

[Soule]

Very impressive for a first poem here in the underground poetry realm of RapBattles. I very much enjoyed this little piece of banana split read. Your wording was very well done. You settled everything well in the placements and you chose some really nice words to substitute where more elementary words could have taken place. Years of Topical must have helped you with that? Or schooling and elevation even. Flow was really nice and fluent in here dude. Edged everything out well with syllable use. Imagery was pretty straight, you had some nice visuals in here and there. And vivid descriptions. Emotion was pretty cool as well, for a first poem. It was nice. Keep up the fancy footwork.

[Truth Iscariot]

Word this is really good

wordplay used the very beginning, which right now (I'm sleepy) fucked with me i thought you misspelled it, but word play nice, you came with some impressive imagery, proper and dope use of vocabulary and besides at the very start i didn't stop reading smoothly but as I've stated thats my bad.

I'll reform to my natural looks as well as
soul once this mind is fed a bit more
with the food for thought that's left-over.

I'm a statue...move me.


I found the end very poetic.

nice read right here Brandon, and yes thanks again for the sig and avy

[LedgenZ]

Hmmmm..

This actually made me twist my lip and scratch my chin; which is something I very rarely do. In other words I thought that this poem was quite compelling....intriguing...and interesting. I mean the amount of wordplay you jammed packed into each concept was intensely dope. And reeked of superior poetic skill. So I ask you, are you sure this is your first poem ever? Or are you just yanking are chain. Cause if indeed your accusation proves to be the former, may god have mercy on whoever you face in IE. LOL. Okay, so maybe I'm over exaggerating, but I'm only doing it out of love...no homo...homo. But yeah, I'm liked what I saw here. You had a steady rhythm (as do all your pieces). An excellent word choice. And a creative vibe that intrigued and entertain all at the same time. Honestly, I have no qualms at all. Props.

[Brandon Cee]

Thanks again...uppin.

[.SuiGeneris.]

....What? It isn't all that great, puh-leeze. This was good and you saying this is your first poem ever, I highly doubt it, if you can write a verse for audio/topical/text then it's poetry. Not in its equal form, but, it's poetry. Overall, I like this, the creativity and the wordplay you had. I couldn't stop reading, I was interested as to what the next line would be. Your approach to the picture was dope. I read the title and I was like "Statues and Bananas"?...I thought something 'funny' was going to happen cause you like to clown. The Imagination was good, very little details but still manage to put down a good setting and the emotion was good too. I also like'd the rhythm you set on this piece, very smooth and relaxing and it had this 'jazzy' flow. That just me, cause I read it out-loud. All in all, Dope.

[Soul Slayer]

I wont even give you that was this the first poem nonsense man. I've seen your work on OM Imo and i'm not surprised by the quality of your poem. You had a very crisp flow as if you wanted to wow your audiance with every line that you wrote. Having you on IE will definatly be worth while. The concepts were fresh and this was creative. Wording was sublime and made this poem more authentic. There was some emotica too which I feel always makes a poem stand out when blended with some great creativity.

RFT this when you get by.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-364594.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=364978
- Tific

[Brandon Cee]

gonna hit that tomorrow ^

uppin

[Neruda II]

Interesting to say the least. I think the ideas behind it were well inspired, I really like what you were trying to say with this. My problem with the piece is the execution of concept. You had all of the right words there but it just seemed that you let some lines go on for a bit too long. You had parts that could've been done without in my opinion. You should have spent a bit longer on developing certain metaphors. Some parts really shone but others just didn't do it for me. The last line was lackluster in my opinion, the idea of food for thought as a pun could've been done very well but it seemed that maybe you rushed it at the end. I think you need to develop your craft a bit more, your work seems eager and enthusiastic but you as a writer are yet to reach even a fraction of your potential.