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Thread: Is this my answer?

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Knight-Mare's Avatar
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    Is this my answer?

    Something i put together quite some time ago.

    I'm on the edge, on the brink of Suicide, this is something i cant hide ...
    The amount of tears i've cried, the amount of times i've tried ...
    The amount of fears i hide, they burn me up and it hurts deep inside ...
    You said you need time and you have asked me to wait for you ...
    I really want to wait but i cant without you, i cant pull through ...
    I'm scared of what i'll do, i've got a gun in my hand what will i do? ...
    I love you, i need you to love me too please say you do ...

    I've given up everything to keep us together, remember that ring ...
    That was a something that meant more to me than anything ...
    I never ever realised and never knew pain is what love would bring ...

    Remember Our Times

    Remember the way we kiss? All i can i do now is Reminisce ...
    Remember the way we touch? I cant take this its all too much ...
    Remember the way we talk? I even love the way you walk ...
    Remember the way we slept? You held me in your arms i felt so kept ...
    Remember the way we Hug? I do! but my grave is already dug ...
    Remember the way we Laugh? like the time you asked me to get in your bath ...
    Remember the way I cry? But thats gonna stop, not long till i die ...
    Remember all of this? i cant believe you think it's all bullshit ...
    Do You Remember me? I've forgoten who is i'm meant to be ...
    Do You Remember US? I will never forget you my love ...

    I'm sorry babe i cant go on anymore feeling like this ...
    I'd just like to say " AINT LIFE A BITCH " !!!!!!

    **Cocks Back and Pulls the Trigger**

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Is this my answer?

    It seems for like a open mic piece.. but what ever.. hit this link for me in return.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=364340


    The wording could be a lot better, it was too elementary in my opinion. And your flow carried a weak, one syllable rhymescheme that can be elevated with in time of doing your homework and getting better. Find a new style of writing, because this came out WAY too basic. And wasn't that much of a joy to read. Emotion could use better words.. describe to us how you feel with more visual details.. which brings me to critique your imagery.. give more details.. in the end, needs work. But you have potential.. so keep writing, read other pieces and get an idea of what to change.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Knight-Mare's Avatar
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    Re: Is this my answer?

    Thankyou, like i said it was written quite a while ago, probably 3-4 years ago, and i have got better... lol

  4. #4
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    Re: Is this my answer?

    this was very well-written I guess it got slept on cause you're kind anew...
    but anyways man.....this shit was dope the structure was nice and added madly to this piece
    I love the part where you were like-
    REMEMBER?
    REMEMBER?
    REMEMBER?

    THAT ALSO ADDED TO THE PIECE
    thanks for the interesting read and I believe it was a very innovative piece
    outt//

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Knight-Mare's Avatar
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    Re: Is this my answer?

    Thanks man, an yea probably gettin slept on coz i'm new... but hey lets get this Uppppped...

    Thanks again man..

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  6. #6
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: Is this my answer?

    You wouldnt get slept on if you left some links. get them.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

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