Funny Colors In My Magic Mushrooms - Will RTF!

[Jawn Raw]

Funny Colors In My Magic Mushrooms

I woke up in the mornin’ to smell the fresh scent of mush
As my buddies were chillin’ in the kitchen boiling some tea.
I was like what the fuck is that smell?
They said “open your nose and smell the poison?”
I took a deep breath and asked for my own cup
As I understood it was no ordinary tea but it was magic.
Filled of blue, purple, green and even yellow stems,
These shrooms were bruised as I visualized many colors.
These colors had delicacy schemes..cause
After 5 minutes I was sketchin’ on the walls in this room,
It was getting smaller as my heart was skippin’ a heart beat.
The radar pumps as I see Darth Vader in front of me,
His blood shot eyeballs put fear in my veins.
I stood in shock, I didn’t know what to think so I’d scream,
My buddy Doofie said, “it’s alright, it’s only a scary movie.”
I refused to think this was reality as I thought it was a dream,
I feel like I’m dizzy and it seems real cause I’m confused,
These drugs had me in effect like I was in delusion.
Mysterious creams to shake these bluish heads and stems,
Revived in manure after it grew in a white fungus.
I’m ashamed I never took the advice to not take em’
Now I’ma victim with my stomach gettin’ sick from it.
The giant mushroom head that I ate was very stern,
As I could only remember seeing a midget looking toad.
I thought my buddy Doofie was Luigi…and I thought
I was in a Mushroom City sleepin’ with a peach.

[Jawn Raw]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...us-362745.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...et-362908.html

[Vincent Maestro]

wow......this piece was mad trippy. and loaded with all kinds of imagery.
I especially like when you wake up to your buddies brewing tea....
and about up to that point you were in sober mode.

then you're in this room writing on the walls...great stuf there Para

keep this up....your starting to grow on me....really feeling the writing style you used here.

[Jawn Raw]

thanks man. drop links, i'll rtf.

[Johnny 6-feet]

I can relate to the topic, and you painted a clear image with your storytelling abilities. The vocab was functional, not too strong. The topic itself is always a fun one to do, and you told it well. Although the conclusion was a little abrupt for me. Solid work overall.

Keep posting and please rtf: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-362915.html

[Syk.iLL]

Overall I felt the imagery was strong throughout the whole piece though it was extremely light in emotion. That was okay. You used the pieces of a mushroom throughout the piece which I thought was good and gave the poem connectivity, which more abstract pieces sometimes lack. The video game allusions at the end were pretty nice, showing the schizophrenic thinking processes that drugs sometimes cause. Overall I thought it was alright.

-Sam
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hy-362975.html

[Jawn Raw]

thanks, c'mon people drop links.

[Jawn Raw]

please and thank you....drop links

[Donald Trump]

well i don't think this was too original because well i'm pretty sure 90% of the people on this site have been high. the story made no sense but it was meant to be that way i just found it to be confusing. you did have imagery though, you described the hallucinations well and i'll give you credit for that but i strogly believe you should use your imagery on more "poetic topics" pretty good piece though. rtf on And the forest burns.

[Jawn Raw]

so are you sayin i should write with storylines rather then just going with a original topic and writing with witty imagery?

[Soule]

Shrooms, a great creation by nature.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...en-365593.html
piece was nominated



This was mad wierd, showing that you painted the perfect scene so it seemed like I was tripping balls over shrooms and trying to read a dope poem. But only seeing the descriptive visuals of SHROOMS.. I was like 'holy shit, this is odd' lol. Your imagery was great, and you must know that for a fact seeing as you detailed every little bit of the scenery till the BLOODY FUCKING END. The emotion was strange, copped a real stoner feeling lol. Wording was alright, could have been a bit stronger.. but what ever.. but this type of written, no real need. Flow was cool, and in the end.. cool piece.

[Jawn Raw]

thanks, up

[Orc]

Yea, this was mad trippy, lol. The topic has obviously been done..a lot. But, I still enjoyed it man, because of the imagery you had, some really weird, vivid shit haha. The wording was a little awkward, like I felt like your sentences were a little too long, you know? The poetic language was cool, maybe you could work on that too. But yeah, overall a good drop my man.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ul-365197.html

RTF!

[Know-It-All]

this piece was mad cool and I really loved where you took the topic, this piece tripped me out. I wish I had some of that tea lol. I loved the imagery and the wordplay that came with the story. I really don't think this is poetry myself it seems too much like a OM to me. I know this was for a poetry battle but I really do think it is more of a OM. Over all I really was feeling this piece and I hope you write alot more.

After 5 minutes I was sketchin’ on the walls in this room,
It was getting smaller as my heart was skippin’ a heart beat.
The radar pumps as I see Darth Vader in front of me,
His blood shot eyeballs put fear in my veins.
I stood in shock, I didn’t know what to think so I’d scream,
My buddy Doofie said, “it’s alright, it’s only a scary movie.”
I refused to think this was reality as I thought it was a dream,

I really liked that part it made me laugh

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...00#post6316300

hit that please

[Jawn Raw]

thanks for the feed. but i disagree about it being more of a OM, it hardly rhymed enough.