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Thread: Lone Wolf- part I

  1. #1
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    Lone Wolf- part I

    The March

    The dawn fades to blackness, into the abyss
    A thousand footfalls, see the armies dispatches
    An unsuspecting town on the wrong side of the border
    The shadow falls across them now; time for the slaughter
    There's an old lady drawing water, theres someone's grandaughter
    Going about their lives, unaware that they're caught up
    Now the arrows start flying in a mercliless hail
    Pattering like raindrops, with a burst of entrails

    Inside the Town

    A lone samurai sips on some aged sake
    The equilibrium unbalanced; although not aged badly
    This is a waystation on his wanderings, he sits, pondering
    In this alcholics den, thinking of solid things
    A warrior without a master, seeking a cause
    Trained in martial arts, swords, reaping with scars
    His senses sharpen up at the thudding on the roof
    He's on his feet in a second, looking for proof
    Escapes the bar, out into the street, he see's them
    The dark lords regiments... he feels fatigue then

    The Battle

    The town miltia raise their weapons but are caught off guard
    They clash steel but their enemies charge is hard
    In the space of 5 minutes, half their numbers are gone
    But then lighting strikes it seems, the lone wolf has come

    Assassination

    He's a blur, barely qualifies as human
    His razor sharp swings decimates a few men
    He weaves through the ranks like a snake with legs
    Makes it to the back line where archers quake in dread
    15 dead later they fled, wolf turns on the spot
    Blocks a neck-height swing, almost burning to drop
    He recogises the sneak attack, the legions commander

    "Balthius!"

    "Traitor! I've got orders to hang you!"


    They dance with blades, draw blood like twisted art
    This is the sickest part, vengence and hatred remarks

    "Lord Larsa sends his regards! Die, you dog!

    A blade decends to wolf's neck through the rising fog...



    To be continued.

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  2. #2
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    Re: Lone Wolf- part I

    can't wait to read the part 2 if there is one indeed...but anyways.
    the rhyme here was dope imo....it mighta started off kinda slow but I like how you ended.
    the title was dope...although the structure I think I've seen that done before.
    so in that aspect this wasn't too original to me.

    these lines were the dopest to me:

    15 dead later they fled, wolf turns on the spot
    Blocks a neck-height swing, almost burning to drop
    He recogises the sneak attack, the legions commander

    "Balthius!"

    "Traitor! I've got orders to hang you!"

    They dance with blades, draw blood like twisted art
    This is the sickest part, vengence and hatred remarks

    "Lord Larsa sends his regards! Die, you dog!

    A blade decends to wolf's neck through the rising fog...


    I love how this piece ended.....added suspense that was cool...and crafty....
    liked it.

    pz and stay up.

  3. #3
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  4. #4
    BKA Split Broly's Avatar
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    Re: Lone Wolf- part I

    You started out kind of slow in the beginning, but you
    picked it up alot throughout the piece onto the ending.
    Your word choices and rhymescheme was on point going
    into the ending, imagery was there and maybe to others
    not that clear, but since im used to writing pieces like
    this i was able to sketch it out and picture it perfect, emotion
    was somewhat of a angry, pain, sad, rebellious feeling IMO.
    I wouldn't mind collabing with you, keep writing.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-362714.html
    RTF.

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